Esther*, who was born in Afghanistan and raised within the Netherlands after her family fled the country when she was three, speaks to Christian Today about her journey of religion, life between two cultures, and her hopes and fears for Afghanistan’s future. A recent Christian, she reflects on the challenges of finding belonging in Europe and the burden of watching her homeland from afar.
*Name has been modified for security reasons.
CT: You were born in Afghanistan but raised within the Netherlands because you were three. What do you recognize or remember about why your loved ones had to go away, and the way has that shaped your sense of identity?
Esther: The country was becoming increasingly dangerous to live in, and there was no more future or hope available. It wasn’t for religious reasons; it’s just not a spot you desire to stay in, especially if the federal government is transforming into something that you just are against. In Afghanistan, it’s dangerous to be against the federal government – you’ll be able to’t criticise them and make it out alive.
We got here here once I was almost three and we settled in a small town that was mainly white, especially back then. I looked different. We ate different foods, watched different movies, listened to different music.
I never really knew where I belonged, because I didn’t feel 100 per cent as if I belonged. I wasn’t the common Afghan, because I used to be growing up within the West. But within the West, I also didn’t completely feel like I used to be Dutch, because I wasn’t and I used to be continuously reminded of it.
I used to be never bullied or anything, but you’ll be able to tell by looking around that you just are different. And so, I never really had an identity or somewhere I actually belonged – I used to be at all times in between places.
CT: Growing up within the Netherlands, do you continue to feel connected to Afghanistan — its culture, language, or people?
Esther: I definitely do, especially to the ladies because that might have been me if we didn’t make it out. I could have had that life and even been dead or simply trapped in that country. So, I feel for them and I need to assist them, though I do not understand how.
At the identical time, because I’m Christian it’s hard to feel a part of that country because the faith isn’t accepted. As an example, one time I used to be online and I commented on someone’s reel. A Pashtun man from Afghanistan saw the comment and began cursing me, calling me names and accusing me of trading my religion for a passport, because he thought I needs to be Muslim and never Christian.
It’s hard to feel like you’ll be able to be a part of Afghanistan after they’re not accepting of you and also you do not feel like you’ll be able to be yourself. So, I’m careful with who knows about me being Christian and who doesn’t.
CT: You became a Christian only last yr. Can you share what led you to faith in Jesus?
Esther: It’s funny because I never know how one can answer that query, because obviously persons are curious and so they expect me to be Muslim. But I never felt at home in Islam. It felt very distant and prefer it’s a God to fear, otherwise you are going to go to hell.
With Christianity, there was a sense within the very core of my soul that told me to search out a church. I became more of a complete person because, like I said, I never had an identity and by the point I finally knew who I used to be, that feeling of finding Jesus became stronger. The more I became whole, the more I felt like I needs to be looking for Him and I knew that it needs to be Christianity.
CT: How did your loved ones and friends respond?
Esther: I’m lucky to have a family that aren’t extremists. Some do not believe in anything really and the remaining of my family is generally Muslim, but not radical.
At the moment, just some of my family know I’m a Christian as I haven’t told everyone yet. It’s not out of fear but more because I don’t need to disappoint them because I do know they would favor me to be Muslim – because my grandfather, who passed away a few years ago, was Muslim and it was really essential to him; he would not have wanted me to be Christian.
But my family do accept who I’m and so they won’t force anything on me; they will not cut contact with me or be violent or anything like that. And I do know if my grandfather would have been alive, he would not have been hateful. He would have been like, ‘Okay, I don’t love it, but I can not do anything about it either.’
At the tip of the day, it’s my life. You cannot force religion on people. You cannot make them consider something that they do not. I’ve never actually been Muslim, but I gave it a shot. I attempted – I attempted to be Muslim. I researched and explored the faith to see if it was something I desired to pursue nevertheless it just didn’t feel right to me in any respect. It didn’t feel like me and that is why I didn’t pursue it anymore.
CT: Being from a Middle Eastern background and now living in Europe, have you ever ever felt isolated — culturally or spiritually — and the way have you ever found belonging as a recent believer?
Esther: Yeah, I at all times felt isolated, I just didn’t understand it. Growing up, I knew a number of the boundaries being Afghan, but I never knew why, because they do not speak about that. They just let you know the way it is, but they do not let you know why it’s like that. So, I began to rebel against that because if you happen to cannot make sense of something, you do not need to cope with it, and also you start making your individual rules.
In terms of spiritual community since coming to faith, well, it’s still growing. The church does evenings for young people and in the event that they notice you not going to church for some time, they send you messages to ascertain in on you, which is good. When I went through a nasty break-up, the church was there for me. I went to talk over with the priest about it and that helped me so much. It was like God chatting with me through him and telling me, “Trust Me, that is for your individual good.” That really helped me.
I also joined a web based study group to attach with more like-minded people. The world is so secular now, especially within the Netherlands. Numerous women do not believe – I never noticed this until I became a Christian and it sort of shocks me. I do not know what happened, like what went mistaken? Numerous women are feminists however the West doesn’t need feminists; Afghanistan needs feminists.
CT: Has your recent faith modified the best way you see your Afghan heritage or your connection to your homeland?
Esther: Islam is so tightly knit to Afghanistan that there is no such thing as a more room for anything, but there’s a danger of associating with something to such an extent that you just start forcing it on other people. Christianity is my identity but that doesn’t mean I should force everyone else to be Christian. It’s not my job to force anyone else to do what I need, but that’s how political structures like radical Islam are utilized in Afghanistan and Iran.
Something I can see now’s the danger of an Afghan heritage. You need to be Muslim and if you happen to’re not, even when within the West it isn’t protected. Sometimes Islam looks like a cult you’ll be able to’t get out of safely. People can still – in the event that they discover – be violent or no less than have an opinion. It’s so hard for people to think, ‘She made her alternative. That’s her alternative, that is her decision. We do not have a right to do anything against that or say something bad.’
I’m pretty sure if I were to wear traditional Afghan clothing and a cross necklace, that might be a death sentence. It’s as if you happen to cannot be Afghan and Christian at the identical time and make it out alive, and there is just something very mistaken about that. I won’t ever understand what makes them think that God would want us to be like that towards anyone.
CT: What are your hopes when you concentrate on Christians and the longer term of your country?
Esther: I hope that Christians there can someday be protected and practise their religion freely; that they might be free to make their very own decisions and never do something that’s forced upon them. Because without delay, loads of them say, ‘I’m Muslim because I even have to be,’ but I ponder how a lot of them actually read the Holy Book and truly know what’s in it.
Even speaking about democracy in Afghanistan in the mean time seems so utopian, like such an impossibility, but I proceed to hope that at some point they might be free – especially the ladies because without delay they don’t seem to be allowed to do anything and men control all the things they do. They cannot even go outside with no man, they need to cover up who they’re, and so they have little alternative but to be married off to someone probably much older that they didn’t even select, and be a housewife for the remaining of their life. That seems like a horrible life to me and it makes me very sad.
I even have cousins there and so they’re such sweet girls, but they’ll never have the opportunities and the liberty and the love for all times that was given to me. They do go outside every every so often, but not to highschool, and so they might be very depending on who they marry. It’s just sad. In the West I get to decide on my husband.
Some people within the West use their freedom to grow to be some sort of Bonnie Blue figure, but we must always decide to do something good with that freedom, something godly, something holy.
CT: Is there anything you fear?
Esther: That it won’t change or that it would grow to be even worse than it’s now. For a protracted time, I avoided anything Afghanistan-related within the news since it was just infuriating to me but I’ve come to that time now that I can’t shut my eyes to it anymore, and I can start talking about it.
CT: Finally, what would you want Christians world wide to hope for — each for Afghanistan and for Afghan believers living abroad?
Esther: Pray not just for Afghanistan but for everybody to have a alternative as God intended. He gave everyone free will and He did that for a reason, but in the mean time half the people on the planet don’t even have free will. I feel it’s a basic human right and spiritual right to have free will. So, pray for that – that everybody can have that and select themselves what they wish to do with their soul.
And also pray that there can be the framework in place so that individuals would know what is true and what’s mistaken, after which make a alternative because without delay, nobody even knows what’s right or mistaken anymore and everybody’s so confused.
What I also noticed within the political field without delay is that everybody’s pointing fingers at the opposite. But even the monsters in Afghanistan think they’re doing the correct thing so I do not think we’re going to get anywhere by yelling at people or condemning them or telling them they’re silly. That’s why the New Testament says, pray to your enemies and forgive your enemies. If you desire to fight, that is the only solution to fight.
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