CHRISTMAS is the time of yr where we are sometimes at our most nostalgic, and we take comfort and joy in remembering Christmases past as we have a good time the current. But what about those people whose memories are affected by dementia? How can we — as parish churches called to take care of the souls of all those that live inside our parish boundaries, those with dementia included — shine the sunshine of Jesus’s incarnation into the dark streets of disturbed memories?
Those were the questions that a small group inside our congregation began discussing a couple of years ago — questions that prayerfully led to what has now develop into an annual carol service aimed particularly at those living with dementia, and their families and carers. We call the service “Christmas Down Memory Lane”.
From the start, we realised that it was essential to supply something where individuals with dementia would feel comfortable. To speak of individuals “living with dementia” is complex in itself: no two experiences of dementia are the identical. Some of the people living with dementia who come to services at our church all year long are capable of attend on their very own, while others are capable of come only with the support of carers or relations. But, as we learned more in regards to the realities of dementia, talked with individuals who could help us to grasp what we could do, and commenced to place our learning into practice, we began to see some easy but profound themes emerging.
One of those themes was to pay attention to — and, subsequently, make positive use of — the ability of memory. It is usually the familiar words and phrases absorbed earlier in life that individuals with dementia are still capable of articulate: the normal words of the Lord’s Prayer, for instance, or Christmas carols with their traditional language (“thee” and “thy” as an alternative of “you” and “your”). As we’ve incorporated these into our service, it has been a moving privilege to see people singing and praying along, word for word. There is power in familiar language, and that is something that doesn’t apply only to Christmas: it might be woven into our worship all year long.
THE service starts with a faculty choir singing some Christmas songs — everyone loves the gathering of all ages. Led by a small choir, we then sing a mixture of Christmas carols, and everyone seems to be invited to sing along. There are a two-minute reflection and a few short prayers, at all times including the Lord’s Prayer. Words can be found on screens, and in addition in large-print orders of service. It is all done inside 45 minutes, and everyone seems to be invited to be themselves, and to feel at home.
Another theme that we realised we would have liked to pay attention to was occupied with how people would navigate our buildings. Ours is a comparatively modern church, but, like all sacred spaces, it has its challenges, its quirks, and its hidden steps. We had to assume what it could be prefer to enter a wierd and unfamiliar constructing for the primary time, and the way we’d give you the chance to make that as easy as possible.
For us, that involved identifying probably the most straightforward route into church, after which from church into our hall, where we serve lunch after the service. Making clear paths is straightforward but meaningful, and ensuring that doors are open helps hugely. We even have people readily available to point the best way gently, and be able to take an arm and walk along with someone if needed.
FINALLY, the ability of hospitality got here through strongly. Many people living with dementia cannot enjoy life as they used to; so we desired to create a chance for them to do something that they’d enjoy. After the service, subsequently, we invite everyone to affix us for a free lunch. The food is straightforward: sandwiches, cake, and tea — staple Church of England fare. But, again, it’s familiar, and it is straightforward.
We set the tables well but simply, making it clear where plates and napkins are through the use of contrasting colors. People are welcome to remain for as long or as short a time as they want. Some have a sandwich and leave; others stay for longer than we’ve planned. But everyone enjoys it hugely.
Again, there’s plenty here that shouldn’t be reserved for Christmas: we’ve taken what we’ve learnt and applied it to a summer tea dance, which we now hold annually, and which follows most of the same principles.
It has been an ideal privilege to listen to how much people have enjoyed the service. It shouldn’t be unusual to listen to a member of the family who has accompanied someone with dementia say that they’ve felt comfortable and at home for the primary time in an extended while; and plenty of tears have been shed in seeing family members joining in.
For us, as a parish church, accompanying people down memory lane is now at the guts of our Christmas celebrations.
The Revd James Dwyer is Vicar of Flackwell Heath and Area Dean of Wycombe within the diocese of Oxford.
Dos and don’ts
- Don’t be postpone — it might actually be pretty easy.
- Don’t feel you’ve got to do it unexpectedly: it’s a step-by-step journey that may grow over time.
- Do take into consideration your use of language, and do not forget that traditional wording can be familiar.
- Do take into consideration your buildings, and the way easy it might/is probably not for people to maneuver around.
- Don’t worry about making a service too long — 45 minutes is plenty.
- Don’t worry if there’s disruption or interruption: each are perfectly normal.
- Do do not forget that loads of these principles may be applied to services and other events year-round, not only at Christmas.
