“Marriage must be honored by all, and the wedding bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all of the sexually immoral.” – Hebrews 13:4
Cohabitation. A person and a girl living together before they’re married. According to the National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), 75% of today’s marriages were preceded by cohabitation. And the trend is rising. (Trends in Cohabitation Prior to Marriage)
By most accounts, the “movement” began here within the U.S. within the Nineteen Sixties and early Nineteen Seventies. Of course, the era of “free love.” This period marked a major shift in attitudes towards relationships, with people starting to imagine – or a minimum of say – “Why do we want a chunk of paper to inform us we’re committed to one another?” Come the Eighties, and living together had turn out to be rather more common.
Many imagine the trend resulted from a high and rising divorce rate. The general idea was that living together was a strategy to “test the waters” – for a pair to seek out out in the event that they were truly compatible, in addition to to learn relationship skills. The problem is that while couples may view living together as a trial period before marriage, the evidence suggests that it could ultimately lead to higher divorce rates.
Of course, all of this leads us to the query of the way it applies to Christians. After all, there are an ideal many Christian couples who’ve chosen to live together before marriage. Whether the explanation is a compatibility test or just because they aren’t ready, Christian couples have definitely joined the trend.
Clearly, it is just not “technically” improper for a person and a girl living together as roommates, simply to share the space, so long as the connection is entirely non-sexual. Strictly speaking, there can be nothing sinful about such a relationship. But let’s be real – that isn’t what is usually meant by “living together” or “shacking up” as they are saying. These terms quite obviously check with a pair having sex before marriage.
On that one, the Bible is obvious. Despite what we might imagine or imagine. Pew Research found that 58 percent of white evangelicals approve of cohabitation if the couple plans to marry (cited in www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/christians-and-cohabitation-what-you-need-to-know.html, accessed 9/15/21). Despite those trends, despite our personal opinions on the matter, the Bible’s message has never modified – God forbids sex outside of marriage. That would come with – and preclude – couples who live together, even with the intent of getting married sooner or later.
What Exactly Is Biblical Marriage?
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that firstly the Creator ‘made them female and male,’ and said, ‘For this reason a person will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the 2 will turn out to be one flesh.”- Matthew 19:4-5
“So they are not any longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let nobody separate.”- Matthew 19:6
As is usually the case, after we delve into one query, one other arises. When we discuss living together before marriage, it naturally begs the query: What is biblical marriage? When is the moment they turn out to be husband and wife? Tied the knot, as they are saying. When does God consider a pair married?
The Bible, in fact, reflects Jewish tradition of the time, with betrothal and marriage being distinct stages. Matthew and Luke each tell us that Mary was “pledged to be married to Joseph” (Matthew 1:18) – and Luke explains that immediately after her visit from Gabriel, Mary left to go to Elizabeth. Neither tells us of the marriage between the 2.
Nowhere does the Bible explicitly state at what point God considers a person and a girl married. At no point are we taught how we’d know “what God has joined together.”
There do appear to be a minimum of three different viewpoints on the matter – each with its own set of challenges. As is all the time the case, every time we apply rules, we must even be prepared to make use of exceptions to those rules.
Legally married under the eyes of the law.
Typically, this attitude would point to Romans 13:1-7 and 1 Peter 2:17, arguing that we must submit ourselves to regardless of the particular government requirements is likely to be. Since we’re to “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there isn’t any authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
However, marriage existed long before governments existed. Furthermore, some governments don’t have any such legal requirements. But most significantly, there are clearly some governments – corresponding to people who abide by Sharia law – that would contradict Biblical teachings.
Engaged in sexual activity.
Sexual relations are sometimes considered the “consummation” of a wedding, even legally in lots of cases. The argument on this case is that sexual activity represents the achievement of the “one flesh” Biblical principle.
This, too, encounters some difficulties. What about when the couple is, for some physical reason, unable to have interaction in sexual activity? Should they still be considered married? Biblically, in fact, many – most – of the kings within the Old Testament had concubines, which might then raise the query of what would distinguish a concubine from a wife? Add to all of this – a pair could be “one flesh” within the eyes of God based on a lifetime commitment to one another, and never simply based on sex.
A proper wedding ceremony, including vows.
In Genesis 2:22, God brings Eve to Adam as a father would give away his daughter at a marriage. Jesus attended a marriage ceremony in John 3 and performed His first miracle there. While this under no circumstances implies that God requires a marriage ceremony, it definitely would indicate the Lord’s blessing on such ceremonies.
Then again, we also find challenges that require a ceremony to be held in a particular church or denomination, or, as mentioned previously, before Allah.
Maybe the reply lies somewhere within the midst of all three. In some merging of those three different points of view. Not to determine a selected algorithm but quite to honor the commitment of the single couple to one another and to uphold their Christian values.
Nearly every culture throughout history has observed some formal wedding ceremony. In every culture, there exists some particular motion or event, or covenant vows, where a person and a girl are declared husband and wife. Every couple should strive to stick to those cultural, denominational, and even familial traditions. The couple must also adhere to whatever formal steps their “governing authorities” might require, so long as those requirements are reasonable and are usually not contrary to Biblical teachings.
Finally, while a husband and wife should consummate their marriage physically if and when possible, more importantly, they have to make their personal commitments to one another before God. Their commitment is to like, honor, respect, support, and remain loyal to one another throughout their lives.
“But due to the temptation to sexual immorality, each man must have his own wife and every woman her own husband.” -1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV
Is it a Sin to Live Together before Marriage?
“But amongst you there must not be even a touch of sexual immorality, or of any type of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” – Ephesians 5:3
There is definitely no end to the verses in scripture that remind us of the sacredness of marriage. Of find out how to honor and treat our spouses – and the importance of affection and commitment. Yet, living together before marriage could be a topic of great debate.
Clearly, sexual relations before marriage don’t work Biblically, but what concerning the committed couple that agrees to abstain from sexual relations – does that make it okay to live together before they’re married?
The entire concept that living together allows a pair to “test drive” their relationship encounters issues that contradict biblical teaching. While not a lot when it comes to outright sexual immorality, but definitely as we have a look at the lives we’re called to live as disciples of Christ.
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul states quite emphatically that there must not be “…even a touch of sexual immorality, or of any type of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. An single couple living together on the very least offers the looks of immorality. What then can be your testimony before an unbelieving world that we’re to represent for Christ? Almost everyone seems to be going to assume that a person and a girl living together as a pair might be sexually lively, and you’ll have the opportunity to do nothing to persuade them otherwise.
Paul further teaches – in 1 Corinthians 7:2 – that due to the existence of temptation to sexual immorality, all of us must be married. This directly pertains to human behavior and physical desires. Temptation is a component of our lives – and a temptation that’s difficult to withstand in most situations, never mind when the person you like is lying in the identical bed as you. Jesus was clear when He taught about removing temptation from our lives:
“If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is best so that you can enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into everlasting fire.” – Matthew 18:8
We have a responsibility – no, an obligation – to our brothers and sisters in Christ, in addition to to the non-believers around us. In his letter to the Romans, we discover Paul’s teaching that we ought not be the explanation to cause anyone else to stumble. (v. 14:19-21) When others have a look at us – have a look at our lives – would they then imagine it was okay to live together or to have interaction in sex before marriage? Yeah, I’m guessing they’d make their very own assumptions.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin an individual commits is outside the body, however the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18
Whenever faced with a choice corresponding to this, we must first look to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, who lives inside our hearts. He is given to every of us after we give our lives to Christ to steer us and to guard us.
Peter tells us that we’re to live “…holy and godly lives.” (2 Peter 3:11) Does living together meet that admonition? Does a Christian man and woman moving in together before they’re married fall into that category? If you were to satisfy the Lord, do you’re thinking that the words you’ll hear can be “well done, good and faithful servant?”
Jesus taught that to follow Him, we should be willing to put down our lives for Him. To pick up our cross every day. Yes – that can absolutely require sacrifice on our parts. If that sacrifice means we wait until we’re married to live together, isn’t that a quite small price to pay for what Jesus has done for us?
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit inside you, whom you’ve from God? You are usually not your personal, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” –1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/YakobchukOlena
Greg doesn’t pretend to be a pastor, a theologian, or a Bible expert, but offers the attitude of an on a regular basis guy on the identical journey as everyone else – in pursuit of truth.
Greg could be reached by email or on Facebook @ Greg Grandchamp – Author.
