Forgiveness That Frees the Brokenhearted
Phillip and Laurie gave the look of the proper couple. Winsome. Steady. Parents of three beautiful children. Their home became a gathering point for actors, producers, and screenwriters in Hollywood. Then tragedy struck. Laurie was killed in a drive-by shooting. The story made national headlines. Days later, Phillip stood before microphones and stunned reporters:
“As a Christian, my faith teaches me to forgive my enemies. I forgive my wife’s killers.”
The declaration went viral. Some called it noble; others called it naïve. Months later, the prison chaplain called Phillip.
“Sir, the person who killed your wife has turn into a Christian. He desires to ask in your forgiveness.”
Phillip froze. Suddenly, forgiveness wasn’t an idea—it was a face and a voice.
“My wife was a incredible mother,” Phillip said later. “Her sudden death left an unfilled gap. I struggled to boost our kids alone. And now this killer wanted me to release him?”
In that moment, Phillip realized: forgiveness isn’t about what someone deserves. It’s about what Christ has already done.
“I knew I didn’t deserve mercy for all the pieces I had done myself,” he said. “What right did I actually have to withhold forgiveness?”
Phillip forgave his wife’s murderer.
Christ’s Love Is Strong Enough to Face the Wound
My own story runs along an identical road. As a boy, I watched my father devastate our family through an affair with my mother’s best friend, our neighbor. Daddy would return from work, wave to us kids, then walk straight into her house. He’d come home late, often drunk. One mistaken word from Mommy, and she or he’d be slapped or punched.
The affair carried on in plain sight until, someday, the girl announced she had turn into a Christian. She ended the connection and joined our church. At the close of each service, we had a convention. We would turn to at least one one other and sing a well-recognized song:
“I like you with the love of the Lord,
I like you with the love of the Lord,
Because I see in you the glory of the Lord,
Yes, I like you with the love of the Lord.”
For weeks, I watched my mother nervously. I didn’t want her to should face this woman. I feared it could hurt an excessive amount of. But then one Sunday, I looked up and saw it occur. My mother was holding the hands of this woman, tears streaming down her face, singing those very words:
“I like you with the love of the Lord,
Yes, I like you with the love of the Lord,
Because I see in you the glory of the Lord.”
It was forgiveness made visible—not doctrine on a page, but grace embodied. It marked me perpetually.
5 Things Forgiveness Is Not
Before we define forgiveness, we’d like to clear the bottom:
1. Forgiveness will not be a sense.
We may never feel like forgiving. Jesus didn’t say, “When you are feeling ready.” He said, “If you forgive others… your Father will even forgive you” (Matt. 6:14).
2. Forgiveness will not be tolerance.
It doesn’t minimize sin. Joseph told his brothers plainly, “You meant evil against me” (Gen. 50:20).
3. Forgiveness will not be enabling.
It doesn’t excuse destructive patterns. Jesus forgave the girl caught in adultery, but in addition said, “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).
4. Forgiveness will not be restitution.
Reconciliation may never be possible. Forgiveness is given freely; reconciliation requires repentance and rebuilding trust.
5. Forgiveness will not be forgetting.
God doesn’t erase memory. He chooses to not weaponize it: “Their sins and lawless acts I’ll remember no more” (Heb. 10:17).
Why Forgiveness Hurts
During a teaching in Malaysia, a girl got here forward after I preached on forgiveness.
“Dr. Dennis, please pray for me,” she said. “I’ve been carrying this for 50 years. I would like to forgive my best friend.”
“What did she do?” I asked.
“She slept with my boyfriend.”
I checked out this gracious elderly woman and thought, Who might be so cruel to harm someone like her?
“How way back?” I asked.
“Fifty years,” she said.
“Is he alive? Is she alive?”
“No. They’re each dead.”
I paused, then said softly: “Ma’am, isn’t it time you gave yourself the gift? Isn’t it time you released them—and in doing so, released yourself?”
That’s the paradox. We imagine forgiveness is about setting another person free. But in reality, forgiveness is the best gift we will ever give ourselves. Unforgiveness is drinking poison and waiting for the opposite person to die.
Why Forgiveness Is Central to the Gospel
The gospel will not be self-improvement—it’s the announcement that God has forgiven us through Christ.
-Jesus, hanging on the cross, prayed: “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34).
-Paul urged: “Be kind… forgiving each other, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).
-Colossians sharpens it: “Forgive because the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3:13).
To refuse forgiveness is to withhold what we ourselves desperately need. That’s why Jesus taught us to hope, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matt. 6:12). Our experience of God’s forgiveness is inseparably tied to our extension of it to others.
Forgiveness and Justice
Some protest: “But what about justice? Doesn’t forgiveness let people off the hook?” No. Forgiveness will not be the other of justice. Forgiveness entrusts justice to God. Paul writes, “Never avenge yourselves… for it’s written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I’ll repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom. 12:19). In forgiving, we don’t excuse evil—we release our claim to be judge. The cross shows that sin is so serious that it required the blood of God’s Son, yet grace is so radical that even murderers might be redeemed.
Forgiveness Across Cultures
Forgiveness takes on sharp edges when it collides with real pain:
-“I used to be bullied by her kids.”
-“I used to be raped by my uncle.”
-“I used to be wrongly fired from my job.”
Every one in all us has stories of hurt. We all carry wounds. But every follower of Jesus has the identical call: forgive as you’ve gotten been forgiven. When politics, discrimination, tribalism, and resentment dominate public life, the Church must embody a distinct way. Forgiveness will not be weakness. It is gospel power made visible.
Forgiveness as Freedom
Forgiveness will not be simply an obligation; it’s deliverance. Jesus got here to “proclaim liberty to the captives” (Luke 4:18). Unforgiveness keeps us chained to our offenders. Forgiveness breaks the chain. Corrie ten Boom, who survived Nazi camps, said: “Forgiveness is the important thing that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred.”
Forgiveness doesn’t erase pain—it transforms it. Wounds turn into scars: marks of survival, not prisons of bitterness.
Freedom Is a Gift We Give Ourselves
Whether it’s a Hollywood husband facing his wife’s killer, a betrayed mother holding hands along with her betrayer, or a weary woman in Malaysia clutching fifty years of bitterness, the reality stays the identical. Forgiveness will not be a sense. It will not be tolerance, enabling, or forgetting. Forgiveness is the courageous alternative to release the debt because Christ has released ours. Forgiveness will not be just a present we extend to others. It is a present we give ourselves. It is freedom.
“So if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed.” — John 8:36
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Bailey Burton
