SAME-SEX blessings are firmly back on the agenda of the Church in Wales, which introduced a liturgy in 2021 to run for an experimental five-year period.
That authorisation period runs out in September 2026. Three options at the moment are on the table for the Governing Body (GB): to let the present liturgy lapse, and subsequently be unavailable to be used; to make it a everlasting rite; or to maneuver towards equal marriage.
It was vital enough to devote an entire morning of the two-day meeting in Newport for what the Bishop of Llandaff, the Rt Revd Mary Stallard, made very clear was to not be a debate, but a listening exercise without comment or censure. The ground rules were clear: speakers were to talk from the center and never in response to anything said by a previous speaker. It was not a contest. There was to be no applause. Speakers were advised, “Count to 30 in your head before you speak. . . It may feel awkward nevertheless it is typically within the awkwardness that we hear God’s voice.”
There were 27 speakers, predominantly clergy. The Dean of Newport, the Very Revd Ian Black (Monmouth), said that the rite have to be made everlasting: it could be pastorally “unthinkable” to finish what had been decided in 2021. “Extending it to marriage would take us into complex territory, touching what it’s to be human. We have already decided the biblical and theological case. You don’t trial what you think that is theological anathema.” Marriage had not been static, he said: there was a time when a girl was a chattel to be handed over.
For Isaac Olding (Swansea & Brecon), the potential for procreation was what made a relationship a wedding; for Lacey Jones (Co-opted), inclusivity and openness to all meant “affirming people, honouring the connection, and walking alongside them in faith and community. . . This not about changing scripture but re-reading it.”
No data had yet been released on the uptake of same-sex blessings, but anecdotal evidence suggested that it had been minimal. “At what cost?” asked the Revd James Griffiths (Llandaff). “Every denomination that has done it has seen decline: 35 per cent within the US Episcopal Church; 29 in Canada, and 40 within the Scottish Episcopal Church. . . No growing church has accepted same-sex marriage.”
The Revd Robert Moore (St Davids) described the blessing of his civil marriage as “a moment of profound grace of complete inclusion. But a blessing isn’t a wedding.” A wedding rite would allow the Church to call its expectations of same-sex couples: “Marriage is something deep, a covenant, a sacrifice. Covenants mark an important turning point of God’s story.”
Canon Andrew Lightbown (Monmouth) acknowledged sexual complexity in his circle of relatives life. “We are talking a few pastoral response that’s nothing greater than life or death. When we’re unable to own and have fun our identity; when it can’t be rightfully acknowledged when it comes to liturgical rites, the implications are life or death. It is that straightforward. . . You can’t fudge equality. God isn’t ‘a bit’ just, he’s just just.”
The Revd Geraint John (Llandaff) had had several conversations about same-sex blessings with those that desired to await a major anniversary when they might come and have fun their civil partnership. He identified, “Before1998 [when a divorced person could marry in church], I couldn’t have married the lady I like and married two years ago. I support full and equal marriage no matter sexuality or gender. It will take potentially a generation and more to construct trust.”
The Archdeacon of St Asaph, the Ven. Andy Grimwood (St Asaph), was “proud to be an Anglican, deliberately Anglican, a member of the Church in Wales. . . It pains me, the Church in Wales position inside the wider Anglican Communion, where over 75 per cent still uphold the actual tradition of marriage. I’m grieved the Church in Wales is ready to forsake its place within the Anglican Communion.”
The Revd Ruth Coombs (Llandaff) said, “People on all sides are debating the impact of the Supreme Court ruling on the definition of sex which still resonates across the UK. There is a number of uncertainty, a number of anxiety.” Her own marriage, 32 years ago, had needed to be a civil one, blessed: “It was indeed a blessing, but at no time has anyone said, let nobody put asunder my marriage. We cannot take away what we’ve got already given.”
The Archdeacon of Carmarthen, the Ven. Matthew Hill (St Davids), said: “We usually are not all the time talking inside common agreed terms of reference. We are coping with two different pictures of reality that may’t be conflated into one. Marriage is a contracted tradition where it’s a sacrament and indissoluble and open to procreation. . . It is probably not possible to come back to a typical mind on this or to live in common together, nevertheless it doesn’t mean we are able to’t live in charity with each other.”
The Revd Matt Davies (Monmouth) was the one cleric in his team who would conduct same-sex blessings. “My church members of their traditional Valleys town were almost overwhelming [in saying] yes, they were comfortable with blessings. They were seen as a way of welcoming something in. But when the query of marriage got here up, it scared people.”
Canon Ian Yemm (Llandaff) reminded the governing body that the Church in Wales was legally allowed to marry individuals who weren’t baptised. He had met his husband in 2003, had a civil partnership in 2008, and was ordained in 2020. “I couldn’t be more pleased with the Church to which I now belong — an exquisite place to be a gay priest. It’s just been an absolute joy.”
The Archdeacon of St Davids, the Ven. Mones Farah (St Davids), had found the entire debate “painful and difficult. So much pain, in whatever direction we go.” He had welcomed into his large clan, a young boy born to same-sex partners, “totally loved by everybody and loving everybody. Our highest calling is to like each other.”
“My partner is here with our child,” the Revd Ruth Rowan (Monmouth) said. “It appears like our relationship is under attack. Freedom of discernment has to chop each ways. We are called here to make our life together. We deeply consider we’re called to be married to at least one one other. This is our faithful discernment. We are civilly partnered, which we consider to be an extended betrothal process. We are called to talk something afresh.”
Sir Martin Donnelly (Swansea & Brecon) recalled the “flourishing” that had come when colleagues within the Civil Service had been “allowed to precise themselves because the people they were. . . I think it is correct to go for the wedding of couples who meet the identical criteria as other marriages.”
The Archdeacon of Llandaff, the Ven. Rod Green (Llandaff), was conflicted. He found each views “coherent and compelling”, though confessed himself “nervous of puritans on each side of the talk. What we’ve got done here in Wales is a model for the Anglican Communion,” he said. “Let’s make everlasting the rites we’ve got already put in place.”
Della Nelson (Llandaff) suggested, “We won’t be acting rationally if we’ve got no data or information.” She suggested a fourth option: “Extend the trial so we are able to conduct ourselves in a way beyond reproach. Let’s be humble and admit God is the ultimate authority.”
The Archdeacon of Wrexham, the Ven. Hayley Matthews (St Asaph), described the Bible as “a library of many voices. The undergirding trajectory of the people of Israel was to procreate an even bigger nation with the intention to survive. It breaks my heart when people say I’m unspiritual or don’t love the Lord. Go for option three.”
The Revd Mark Thomas (Swansea & Brecon) wanted “to hunt a typical mind and as much unity as we are able to”. For Leoni Oxenham (Monmouth), “Now is the time to exhibit to all that Jesus’s radical love looks like.” Would the Church “proceed to be a protected place for many who can’t support blessings or marriage because they usually are not called to do this”, wondered Hannah Wilkinson (St Davids).
Canon Rana Khan (Swansea & Brecon) had his spiritual upbringing within the Church of Pakistan, and took the ecclesiology of the broader Anglican Communion. He emphasised the importance of keeping companion links with the Anglican Communion.
Hannah Rowan (Monmouth) said, “I haven’t found today very protected in any respect, here with my partner and our baby. I’ve been listening hard, nevertheless it’s hard to don’t have any right of reply.” There was already huge pain around denying the sacrament to some. “It hurts hugely we’re not capable of be married, to be offered a pretend marriage.
“I could be profoundly sad if the mind of the Governing Body was to not rock the boat. It’s not a ‘thing’. Let’s not pretend we may be kind of married. Anglicanism is a broad Church. I don’t need to be married by someone who doesn’t think I may be married.”
Canon John Connell (Monmouth) remembered that, before 2021, “we had to inform [couples] to go to the Methodist church in Newport. . . We should be authorised for the equality of equal marriage.”
Members wrote their views anonymously on cards, following table discussion, to assist guide the bishops’ discussion on the Bench meeting in October, where they’ll work out the subsequent steps.
