Pride—yes, I could try to disclaim it, however it was right there inside me. However, I started to see it only once I laid down the shears and picked up the mirror. I needed to take a break from examining and chopping Dave to pursue self-examination as a substitute. Yes, I promise we’ll come back to the problems our husbands have. But I also promise you which you could’t hold two things of this magnitude in your hand—and, more so, in your heart—at the identical time. One thing needs to be laid down for an additional to be picked up.
God began calling me to admit and repent of my pride and arrogance, which had truly and fully seeped into my way of being toward Dave. As we discussed before, examining the content and consistency of your inner thoughts will reveal so much about not only the way you’re feeling, but about the way you’re being. Your mind is a strong place that needs a strong God who can allow you to to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). The New Living Translation reads, “Let God transform you right into a recent person by changing the best way you think that.” New ways of considering are crucial for brand spanking new ways of being.
Pride. Arrogance. Ugh—I hated such words being attached to me because my intent was never to harm or discourage Dave. I actually need to help him. In the following chapter, we’ll talk more in regards to the nature of a helper, but as a setup, let’s recall that in Scripture, the Holy Spirit known as our Helper (John 14:16 ESV—parakletos within the Greek, which may also be translated “comforter, encourager, counselor, or advocate.” As the next pages will reveal, it seems that the Spirit is a a lot better helper than I could possibly be. For this reason, I can and want to trust him to do the work in Dave—and in me—that I so desperately need to do myself.
I had to just accept the incontrovertible fact that Dave loves and walks with the Spirit, too, which suggests he can hear from God on his own without my nagging him. Then I began learning that if I even have something necessary I would like to say to Dave that may be hard for him to listen to, I should go to Jesus first and ask him the way to phrase it in a way that may bring life as a substitute of death.
But before we get into all of that, we must resolve if we’re brave enough to carry up the mirror and ask the query, Do I chop my husband with my words, attitudes, facial expressions, and body language—or, basically, with my way of being? Even more, I might encourage you to start pondering inquiries to ask your husband and the way you think that he might respond:
• Do you are feeling like I boo you, or do I chop you down?
• What has it been wish to be married to me?
Later on, after you’ve put a few of this into practice, you’ll have the opportunity to ask these questions of your husband and hopefully have already got some idea of the answers. But we’re not quite there yet. The truth is that straight away his brutal honesty could lead on you back into the chopping cycle, which we wish to avoid. And actually, he will not be able to answer those questions truthfully, because he may not need to hurt your feelings. When it’s time, you concentrate on asking him to jot down out his answers, just to diminish any awkwardness or offense. In Dave’s case, he waited for years to inform me the reality, but when he did, it was in front of an entire room of girls. I will need to have been too scary to confront within the privacy of our “protected” home.
As soon as you’re able to go deeper, you possibly can be encouraged that God is able to begin the change in you and your marriage that you simply’ve been desperately attempting to force for years. Our heavenly Father loves you, sees you, and cares about you and your marriage. It extends well beyond what you possibly can even imagine. It’s true. I’m writing this with tears in my eyes as I recall God’s unfathomable grace. Years ago, at that stage in my walk with God, I used to be beating myself up over my failures as a mom and wife. I hated who I had grow to be. But his love and charm began reminding me that he loves me, despite my insecurities and inconsistencies, my pride and arrogance. I had so much that needed to be worked out. I still do. But there may be a lot hope.
Yes, marriage is an extended game, where “the times are long, however the years are short.” Don’t grow to be discouraged if it takes a while to get there.
Excerpted with permission from How to Speak Life to Your Husband, by Ann Wilson. Copyright 2025, Zondervan.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/gorodenkoff
