When someone has wronged you, maybe even committed a criminal offense against you, or caused bodily harm, God still calls us to forgive. “Be kind to at least one one other, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32). And, if we fail to do that, “neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:15) Since the Lord has instructed us, he will definitely empower us to forgive, and yet there are numerous situations where forgiveness feels unimaginable. Why can we cling to unforgiveness? What makes forgiveness so hard?
Defining Biblical Forgiveness
Aphiémi, the Greek for “to forgive,” incorporates ideas reminiscent of sending away or leaving, permitting, releasing, or allowing someone to go away. One permits one other person to walk away from debt. Strong’s reference explains, “It reflects a conscious decision to release someone from the burden of guilt or obligation, embodying the grace and mercy central to Christian doctrine.” Christ did this for us. In Matthew 18, he uses the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant to reveal the 2 options: forgive as God has forgiven you, or refuse to forgive regardless of how much you’ve been forgiven by God.
Therapist Andrea Thom explains that while forbearance deals with tolerating personality traits or annoying habits, forgiveness pertains to a big flawed that has been done to us. With aphiémi, those involved must discuss what happened. The one who was hurt will want the offending party to know why what she or he did was so harmful. But forgiveness “does not mean forgetting or excusing egregious acts. It does not insist that reconciliation be immediate or return to its previous form. It does not remove any legal consequences which will apply.”
In other words, within the case of grievous bodily harm, for instance, the victim might press charges, insist upon some type of reparation and counseling, and refuse to spend time alone with that individual. He or she doesn’t forget what happened. However, there’s a commitment to wish for and never to shame the person or reciprocate the abuse in any way.
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