“Can you recommend some romance novels I can read? It gets really lonely at night,” she said.
My eyes grew wide as my smile faded. I scanned the corners of my bedroom, looking for a solution to present this vulnerable young woman who was spilling her guts to me on the opposite side of the phone line. She had good intentions. She desired to honor God by not having sex outside of marriage while concurrently remedying her sexual desires on her own.
“Well, I don’t really recommend romance novels,” I finally stammered. I used to be latest in ministry and had never been asked a matter like this. She didn’t tell me what she was planning on doing after (or while) reading those romance novels, but she didn’t need to. I used to be born at night, but not last night. “I don’t think masturbation is honoring to God,” I muttered. There. I said it. Masturbation was a sin . . . right? I wasn’t so sure.
Masturbation, the act of self-stimulation for sexual pleasure, has long been a subject of debate throughout the Church. The query of whether masturbation is a sin often stirs deep-seated beliefs, wild opinions, and theological conclusions. While some Christian denominations categorize it as outright sinful behavior, others take a more nuanced approach. Factors like the person’s motive, context, and spiritual maturity all play an element. Let’s explore one other perspective regarding masturbation and try and approach this controversial conversation with grace and truth.
Unselfish Pleasure & Masturbation in Marriage
But what about masturbation inside marriage? To understand a godly stance on masturbation, it’s clever to look at some biblical references commonly cited in discussions about sexual ethics. While the Bible doesn’t explicitly mention masturbation, certain passages are sometimes referenced with regards to sexual behavior and self-control. I’m going to handle two lesser-known Scriptures concerning this topic. In the book of Genesis, one in all Judah’s sons, Onan, is mentioned. Onan was forced to marry Tamar, his dead brother’s widow, to supply an heir in his brother’s stead. But the Bible says that each time Onan would have sex with Tamar, he would “spill his seed on the bottom” (Genesis 38:9). God considered this to be a wicked and selfish act, so He killed him (Genesis 38:10). Is spilling semen on the bottom a sin? No. However, the intent behind pleasuring himself to the exclusion of his spouse was. When one masturbates to pleasure himself or herself with little to no considered his/her spouse’s sexual or emotional needs, that is flawed.
Additionally, the apostle Paul discusses “being of 1 heart and mind” and unselfishly “looking for the opposite’s interests not only your individual” in his letter to the Philippian church (Philippians 2:2-4). Sex in marriage just isn’t a one-way street. Both spouses should give and receive pleasure.
Here is where I feel a pair have to be led by the Spirit and unified of their understanding. I feel the next safeguards concerning sexual intercourse in marriage can be helpful to contemplate. Does the sexual behavior:
- defile the wedding bed (Hebrews 13:4)
- dishonor either spouse (I Peter 3:7)
- distract from the aim of sexual intimacy (Proverbs 5:18-19)?
The way you answer those questions will likely determine your stance on masturbation. In light of this, there are some Christians who argue that masturbation, when practiced responsibly and with the mutual consent of each spouses, generally is a normal and healthy aspect of sexuality inside marriage.
Masturbation as a Single Christian
I actually have much compassion for single Christians, like my friend, who wish to live godly sexual lifestyles but are struggling to administer their sexual desires. If you’ve ever read through the book of Song of Solomon, you understand it’s quite spicy. The book follows the sexually charged energy between a young Shulamite woman and her lover. An necessary verse to note is “Do not arouse or awaken love until the time is correct” (Song of Solomon 8:4, emphasis mine). This Scripture is referencing sexual love. There is a time when sexual love must be woke up, and that’s in the protection and security of the wedding bed, where each spouses are giving and receiving love. Anything else stems from lust and falls wanting the glory of God’s intended design for sex.
Single Christians who opt to masturbate as a substitute of getting sex with another person are toeing a skinny line. They are still “arousing” themselves, and everyone knows what happens when our desires are always aroused. We will seek to treatment the need for good. It’s like scratching that mosquito bite and hoping it is going to stop itching. But it never does.
Masturbation and Pornography
It is very important to emphasize that using visual aids like pornography just isn’t God-honoring and should not have any place within the lifetime of a Christian, married or not. Pornography steals. It defiles, dishonors, and distracts. If you’re struggling to beat a pornography addiction, please seek help. There are a myriad of Christian ministries and resources like Covenant Eyes that can assist with this.
It’s also essential to contemplate the psychological and physiological facets of masturbation when evaluating its moral implications. From a secular, psychological perspective, masturbation is commonly considered a traditional and healthy aspect of human sexuality, providing a way of self-exploration, stress relief, and sexual achievement for people of all ages. Physiologically, masturbation generally is a response to sexual arousal, and lots of people use it as a way of releasing sexual tension and achieving pleasure and/or rest.
However, with regards to masturbation and pornography, research from several organizations, including the National Institute for Health, shows a link to increased instances of erectile dysfunction in males who consistently use pornography. Interestingly, this data didn’t find the frequency of masturbation to be a big factor when assessing ED. Read that again. This doesn’t mean that masturbation doesn’t result in erectile dysfunction (ED). Still, its frequency (how often one masturbates) didn’t seem significant to the researchers who were studying the link between ED and pornography. Interesting.
We Need Self-Control Now More Than Ever
God has given us the treatment to our cravings: self-control. The ability to say no to our fleshly desires is the mark of a sanctified, mature Believer. You do not need to present in to every little thing your body craves, whether it’s that third cookie, the third glass of wine, or another desire. The truth is excessive or compulsive masturbation will probably turn out to be problematic. If nothing else, it is going to cripple you from learning methods to discipline your desires. Contrary to what the culture teaches, you can’t at all times have what you would like while you want it. Sometimes you’ve to attend.
In conclusion, each individual must prayerfully discern their convictions in light of what God has revealed about himself and his creation from scripture. The query of whether masturbation is a sin for Christians encompasses theological, ethical, psychological, and physiological considerations. The answer just isn’t so cut and dry. Through prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit, allow the Lord to guide you on whether or not masturbation is sinful. May you reside a life worthy of your calling as a Believer and pursue a sexually whole lifestyle that honors and glorifies God, reflecting His design for mutually pleasurable, honoring sexual behavior.
Photo Credit: © Pexels/Rafael Barros
