THE General Synod commended on Monday the ultimate report from the Archbishops’ Commission on Families and Households, Love Matters, after a debate adjourned on Sunday evening.
Key messages from the Commission’s work were: valuing families in all their diversity; supporting relationships throughout life; honouring singleness and single-person households; empowering children and young people; and constructing a kinder, fairer, and more forgiving society (News, 26 April 2023).
The Bishop of Durham, the Rt Revd Paul Butler, who co-chaired the Commission, said that the report had addressed two key questions: “How best can we support every individual and each family to flourish in our complex, ever-changing society?” and “What sort of society do we wish to live in?”
The Commission had heard the hopes, aspirations, concerns, and struggles of families through “a process during which respondents told us what matters to them”, the Bishop said. Loving relationships were “essential to our well-being”, and, while family life may very well be a joy, it was also “painful and messy. What matters most shouldn’t be the structure, but the standard of a loving relationship.”
A key suggestion was for the Church to supply high-quality marriage preparation and to cultivate a culture of invitation, he explained. “Churches must be places where those experiencing relationship difficulties of every kind can turn . . . where families receive a loving message of grace.” He highlighted the extensive work with other organisations, and the Commission’s ongoing, and inspiring, engagement with the Children’s Commissioner, Dame Rachel de Souza.
He also emphasised: “We live in difficult times for single people living alone or in a household. The opportunity now we have is large, but it surely requires us to take practical steps. Families matter. Relationships matter. Love matters.”
The Archbishop of Canterbury commended the report for examining “the gritty reality of our life and the life for households within the UK today. . . It doesn’t lament where we’re, but looks at where we must always be — it means working with everyone on the local level.” The title, he said, “speaks to the reality of scripture: that love matters — not in some sloppy sort of way, but love in motion”.
James Wilson (Manchester) thought that the report was a “excellent contribution to the national conversation” in an election 12 months. He identified the inadequacy of social security as being a key driver of family difficulty, and urged the Synod to support lobbying of the Government to implement the recommendations. “I’d encourage us all to make use of our voices.”
Guy Hordern (Birmingham) strongly supported the message of honouring single-parent households: a situation during which he had found himself in 1986, when his wife died. “I rejoice that, though people’s lives suffer loss, God never fails to honour his guarantees,” he said. “Pray for lone parent families in your parishes, even when we don’t know who they’re or where they’re.”
The Revd Matt Beer (Lichfield) felt that the motion lacked clarity and the “leading edge” that the report deserved. “We are the Church of England. Jesus is who we bring to society,” he said. “Surely now we have something to supply a hurting and fractured world on this area? Why haven’t we used a novel prophetic voice on this motion?”
The Revd Kate Wharton (Liverpool) was glad that singleness was referred to throughout the report, and asked that “we would as enthusiastically have a good time celibacy”. She told the Synod to “keep firmly in mind the needs of single households”, and commended the Commission’s work as “Jesus-shaped, open-ended, and open-hearted”.
Jennifer Fellows (Gloucester) regretted the absence within the report of “the key weapon of the support and flourishing of family life — Jesus”. It was “beyond disappointing” that he had not been named within the five ambitious proposals, which might have been a chance for evangelism.
Dr Julie Maxwell (Winchester) then moved an amendment so as to add a paragraph reaffirming “the worth of marriage, especially when loving, as providing probably the most stable and everlasting environment for bringing up children”. UK data, she reported, showed that 90 per cent of the parents who were still in a relationship when their child reached the age of 15 were married couples. “It’s not solely concerning the couple, but how their life together enriches the entire of society.”
Christopher Townsend (Ely) said that family stability, in just about all cases, was good for kids. The odds that a pair would split up in the event that they weren’t married were almost double, he said. “Usually, children can profit from the presence, engagement, and a spotlight of each parents. . . It’s a social-justice issue.”
The Revd Jo Winn-Smith (Guildford) said that she was captivated with marriage, but believed that the amendment could have unintended consequences. “There’s a specific group of people who find themselves going to be hurt by this statement,” she said, making particular reference to the widowed and bereaved, and to victims of abuse.
“Putting marriage first as a dangling bough means we don’t deal with love first,” she said. The primary emphasis on marriage also brought the chance that individuals would stay in damaging relationships. And some children’s lives had been “utterly transformed” by their being in homes with same-sex couples: this was not a second-best place. “We are called to be wonderful families of giant variety.”
The amendment was lost, defeated within the Houses of Clergy and Laity. Voting was: Bishops 8-8, with one recorded abstention; Clergy 61-81 against, with five recorded abstentions; Laity 74-84, with eight recorded abstentions.
Prudence Dailey (Oxford) said that there was much to welcome and applaud within the report, including the emphasis on valuing the one life. She was concerned, nevertheless, by wording that suggested being single didn’t imply celibacy, which she suggested might imply that there was nothing flawed with non-committed sexual relationships. Chastity mustn’t be confused with celibacy, she said, which was related to total commitment to God.
Dr Angus Goudie (Durham) reflected that there have been “irregular relationships” in his wider family. “We should value every kind of loving couple relationships.” He expressed disappointment that the recommendations included in that section of the report were only “advice” to the Government. “If we’re advising the Government to assist all families to flourish, we must always even be advising it to ourselves,” he said. “Families are available in all styles and sizes. It’s vital to recognise the variety of families and permit them to thrive.”
In response to the comment suggesting that Jesus was absent from the report, Bishop Butler said: “The love we speak about within the report is exemplified in Jesus Christ. . . It is all rooted in our gospel conviction.”
The motion was carried: Bishops 23 nem. con; Clergy 97-30, with 19 recorded abstentions; Laity 97-38, with 12 recorded abstentions.
That this Synod:
1. welcome the Archbishops’ Commission on Families and Households’ Report, “Love Matters”;
2. commend the Report and the Recommendations for consideration in dioceses, deaneries and parishes;
3. encourage the Archbishops’ Council to develop practical responses according to the vision and priorities to be a “younger, more diverse, mixed economy and missionary discipleship church” believing that the recommendations in “Love Matters” will aid the implementation of the vision; and
4. urge HM Government to implement the recommendations made to Government, and look ahead to receiving a full Government response to all of the recommendations.’
