Christian Concern’s Communications Manager Paul Huxley considers recent advice that Christians should attend a same-sex ceremony.
The last couple of weeks have seen many pastors and theologians chime on the query of whether faithful, Bible-believing Christians should attend the same-sex ‘marriage’ of a member of the family.
The query was first brought up by Alistair Begg, an influential pastor who has had an extended and faithful public radio ministry.
In an interview, he said:
“I mean, you and I do know that we field questions on a regular basis that go along the lines of ‘My grandson is about to be married to a transgender person, and I do not know what to do about this, and I’m calling to ask you to inform me what to do’—which is a big responsibility.”
He’s right: it is a big responsibility. With his experience and his solid track record, it makes his answer much more surprising.
He asks the grandmother if her grandson is obvious that she is a Christian and that she “cannot countenance in any affirming way the alternatives that he has made in life”. When she says yes, he gives her the recommendation: buy a gift and attend the ceremony.
Begg’s advice is clearly motivated by kindness and a zeal for evangelism. He rightly desires to see the grandmother be clear to her grandson about her Christian beliefs. He wants her to do this while concurrently offering surprising, lavish generosity to someone prone to pondering that Christians hate him.
Some, including FIEC National Director John Stevens, have agreed with Begg.
But, like many others who’ve responded to the comments, I’m convinced it is a deeply unwise counsel.
Here’s why.
Same-sex ‘marriage’ is not marriage
It’s value making clear immediately that same-sex ‘marriage’ will not be marriage.
The law may call these relationships ‘marriages’, but Christians consider that marriage was created by God, not society. Marriage can only exist between one man and one woman, so a male-male or female-female relationship can’t be marriage.
Several years ago, the well-known pastor John Piper explained why he would not attend a same-sex ceremony leading with this point. He also explained how this distortion of marriage defiles the God-given imagery of Christ and the Church as husband and bride – a degree also made by Carl Trueman in his critique of Begg’s advice.
In this respect, it will be significantly easier for a Christian to attend an Islamic or Hindu wedding (without participating in any elements of worship) since the purpose of the event – to marry a person and a girl – is legitimate.
A marriage is participatory and celebratory
Up up to now, I’m sure Alistair Begg and others who’ve taken his side would agree. They might need to say that it is feasible to go to such a ceremony without in any way condoning what is occurring.
I believe the character of a same-sex ‘wedding’ makes this inconceivable.
Let’s consider a typical Church of England Marriage Service and what’s involved.
This could seem strange to contemplate – aren’t same-sex marriages not yet possible within the Church of England?
Actually, they’re. If one in every of the couple has a Gender Recognition Certificate, they’re legally allowed to ‘marry’ in a Church as in the event that they are man and woman, husband and wife.
A Church of England marriage service typically starts with these words:
“In the presence of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we’ve come together to witness the wedding of N and N, to hope for God’s blessing on them, to share their joy and to rejoice their love.” (Common Worship)
From the beginning, the service is ready up as a celebration. Those in attendance aren’t merely witnessing but participating.
Then come the declarations. The minister says:
“I’m required by law to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these individuals may not lawfully marry, to declare it now” (Common Worship)
A Christian who stays silent at this point, knowing that under God’s law (if not British law) this marriage will not be possible or legal, is unravelling their witness.
Shortly after comes the query:
“Will you, the families and friends of N and N, support and uphold them of their marriage now and within the years to come back?”
To which the congregation is predicted to provide a hearty “we’ll”.
What is the Christian to do at this point? Remain silent? Shake their head? Shout no?
Maybe it will be possible for a Christian to attend in this manner – to witness clearly to their family that God disapproves of this relationship. They could dress in dark, solemn colors, possibly hold an indication and heckle the minister throughout.
It may be very difficult to assume this achieving Begg’s aim of gracious generosity.
The reality is that attending such an occasion is an endorsement.
How capable is the Christian?
Let’s say that the Christian is skilfully in a position to navigate all those challenges. Maybe the wording within the ceremony makes the event less participatory. Maybe someone smart and skilful could dodge these problems and avoid the looks of condoning what is occurring.
Does that make it good advice to a grandmother?
Sadly, a typical Christian is nowhere near being equipped for this Lion’s den, particularly those asking celebrity pastors for advice.
The ceremony and reception are going to present this union as beautiful and good. Many Christians who know and consider what the Bible says on sexuality will still be emotionally vulnerable to this sort of deception. A robust story, the grins on peoples’ faces, music, dance, wine; many Christians have been tempted by such things to consider that sin is not such a giant deal in any case.
On top of those temptations, the Christian goes to be pressed by others in attendance: “wasn’t that stunning?”, “they make such an lovely couple, don’t they?”. How many Christians would deftly handle that situation without either compromising or causing a scene?
What concerning the ‘weaker brother’?
In a Twitter thread, Ash Cunningham made a few of these points, then applied the principle of the weaker brother from 1 Corinthians 8 (see also Romans 14). He speculates a few pastor who believes they might attend such a ceremony:
“But what about my brothers and sisters who have not done the identical pondering as me? What about those that feel continually on the back foot in a culture that completely rejects their sexual ethics and so they see me seemingly affirm that which I ought to not affirm?
“Could that not cause them to provide up, or to relegate it to a lesser-mattering issue? In vs 13, Paul presents it as an absolute no-brainer – If attending will scatter my brother then I won’t attend. Even though I actually have the authority and right to achieve this, it will be a sin (vs 12).”
This principle is usually misunderstood or not applied properly, but I feel he’s right here. Taking this motion would very likely be a deep explanation for concern and division inside a church.
Is this ‘a wisdom issue’?
Some have suggested that for the reason that Bible doesn’t speak on to this issue, it is barely a wisdom issue, that Christians can comply with disagree on.
While technically true – partly since the Bible would view ‘same-sex marriage’ as nonsensical – it fails to reflect analogically from the Bible’s teaching.
‘Wisdom issues’ are normally situations where the Bible presents examples of two contradictory examples. For example, Proverbs 26:4-5 tells us each to “answer a idiot in keeping with his folly” and to not “answer a idiot in keeping with his folly”. Wisdom is – partly – to use the right principle when things aren’t straightforward.
However, I actually have not yet seen an example from scripture quoted by Begg’s defenders of the type of actions really useful – where someone is commended for attending a celebration of what God calls an abomination and bringing a present to those involved.
Immoral sexual practices are closely linked with idol worship in scripture. Throughout the Old Testament specifically, faithful kings and prophets are applauded for destroying these idols and disrupting these practices – not for expressing disapproval while turning up with a present.
This will not be confined to the Old Testament. Theologian Robert Gagnon and pastor Regan King each alluded to 1 Corinthians 5, by which the apostle Paul warns a few man within the church having sexual relations along with his father’s wife.
As Gagnon argues, incestuous marriage is a really close parallel to same-sex ‘marriage’ and it is totally implausible that he would offer Begg’s advice.
It can be hard to consider that Begg or his defenders would tell Christians to attend an incestuous marriage with a present.
There are higher ways to indicate love
The purpose of Begg’s advice – to reflect the amazing grace of God towards sinners – is praiseworthy. But for those reasons and others, I believe it is a bad mistake, which I deeply hope he’ll reflect upon.
There are other ways to indicate the member of the family love in this example.
Dave Brennan of Brephos gave one example:
“I believe a superb way of showing love for somebody like this might be to go all out on their birthday, for instance, and still show them love in all types of ways, but not rejoice the sinful ‘marriage’.”
This rightly disconnects the gift and beauty from the occasion and connects it to the person. Love is clearly being shown to the grandson and never to the immoral partnership.
Christian love “doesn’t rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the reality.” (1 Cor 13:6 ESV).
If a member of the family is committing themselves to a partnership that can distance themselves from God, that you just consider is damaging them, that you must make it clear you can not rejoice it, because you like them.
By all means send gifts, but not for the ‘wedding’.
All this may increasingly not be enough – some will still take this as hateful conduct and cut themselves off from this relationship. Christians who ‘fall short’ of Begg’s advice mustn’t be made to feel just like the broken relationship was their fault.
Jesus would comfort them:
“…everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and can inherit everlasting life.” (Matthew 19:29 ESV)
This article was first published on the website of Christian Concern and is printed here with permission.
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