According to the Surgeon General, loneliness is at an all-time high. Many are battling feelings of isolation. The statistics within the report confirm that half of Americans reported having fewer than three close friends (Surgeon-General – social advisory-report, pg. 13). That seems shocking! Over the past twenty years, it appears that evidently social engagement and deep friendships have decreased. In today’s culture of technology and social media, where we’re supposedly more connected than ever, it seems we’ve forgotten how one can make and keep faithful friends. Yet, God is looking His people back to community and deep connection. After all it’s the way in which He designed us for relationship each with Him and others.
Understanding this, how can we make faithful friends in a world that’s secular and, at times, polarized? We begin by understanding how we were designed.
Designed for Relationship
God created us in His image. Way back within the book of Genesis, God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness” (Genesis 1:26). The trinity, made up of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, has existed from all eternity, having fun with beautiful fellowship. As people created within the image of a relational God, that can be God’s desire for us. After God created man, He went on to say, “It just isn’t good for the person to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Similarly, it just isn’t good so that you can be alone! As creatures designed to be relational, we have now a powerful need for community and a way of belonging. In other words, we have now a deep desire for faithful and dependable friends. When those needs will not be met, the final result is loneliness. Friends were God’s idea.
Scripture tells us that “A friend loves in any respect times” (Proverbs 17:17) and that a sweet friendship refreshes the soul (Proverbs 27:9). We long for those forms of friends, don’t we? That longing is God-given and an imprint of His divine nature. Deep, loyal friends bring joy and companionship to our lives. They walk alongside us within the journey of life, celebrating our victories and carrying our burdens. However, in today of loneliness and isolation you would possibly wonder, “Well, how do I get those friends?”
It takes intentionality.
Be the Kind of Friend You Desire
First and foremost, when in search of friends, take time to reflect on what you’re thinking that makes friend. Chances are, what you are feeling makes friend is what others also think makes friend. After you’ve frolicked reflecting on friendship, spend a while in prayer. Make a commitment to God that you just might be the type of friend to others that you just desire. Then, seek intentionally to place the next practices into place in all of your friendships:
Value Others
The surest option to develop faithful friends is to value others. As the Apostle Paul advised, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not seeking to your individual interests but each of you to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). By valuing others and taking an interest in them, you’ll grow to be a magnet for friendships. People naturally need to be with those that take an interest in who they’re and in what they do.
Invite Others Into Your Home
Hospitality was an element of the early church culture. Believers invited others into their homes and shared a meal together. This is described within the book of Acts, “They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer… They broke bread of their homes and ate along with glad and sincere hearts” (Acts 2:42,46b). You don’t should have people over for dinner necessarily. You could invite them for a cup of coffee or dessert. Either way, when others come into your house and revel in feeling welcomed by you, friendship grows, and a deeper connection develops.
Learn the Art of Conversation
Conversation has grow to be tougher for a lot of us in our current culture. We’re so accustomed to writing emails, sending text messages, or posting a brief blurb on social media, that we’ve forgotten how one can engage in face-to-face conversations. As a result, despite our web connections, we’re lonelier and more isolated than ever. What if we rediscovered and developed the art of meaningful conversation? This would involve asking great questions and allowing the opposite person to share their heart. In return the hope could be that they might ask you questions and you furthermore may would get to share your life. Conversations bring hope and joy to people because God designed us for conversation. The Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Thessalonian church that he was able to “Share…not only the gospel of God but in addition our own selves” (1 Thessalonians 2:8). In deep conversation, we’re in a position to share who we actually are and consequently, we find yourself feeling less lonely.
Affirm the Good in Others
Nothing builds friendship quite like affirmations. In our cancellation culture of hate talk and accusing rhetoric, individuals are longing to feel affirmed. What if, we asked God to assist us confirm the great we see in others relatively than specializing in the negative? Imagine what a nicer world we might live in! Most people know their weaknesses. They don’t need you to point those out. Instead, many are ravenous for a bit affirmation. So follow the instance of Paul when he wrote to the Philippian believers, “I thank God each time I remember you” (Philippians 1:3). Imagine how you would possibly make someone’s day by completing this sentence, “ I actually admire_________ about you.” Or, “I thank God for you.” Maybe you admire their strength, or their joy, or their humorousness. Possibly, you might be thankful for his or her integrity, their humility, or their stability. Tell them. A little bit affirmation goes an extended option to construct bridges to people’s hearts.
Cultivate Loyalty
The Apostle Paul wrote, “Be devoted to at least one one other in love. Honor each other above yourselves” (Romans 12:10). When we’re devoted to a different, we’re faithful to them. In some ways, loyalty is a forgotten quality in our culture. May I suggest we want to bring it back? I actually have several very close friends who’ve been in my life for over twenty years. We value loyalty and faithfulness in our friendships. Those qualities make our friendship richer and stronger. Here’s the thing: if we’re going to feel deeply connected in friendships, we must cultivate loyalty and faithfulness. These are the qualities that make up the material of lifetime friends.
In today of loneliness, God is looking His people back into community and connection. His desire is that we take the initiative to cultivate deep friendships. While which may feel daunting to you, it’s easier than you would possibly think. Simply be the type of friend you desire. Value others, invite others into your house, learn the art of conversation, affirm the great, and cultivate loyalty. If you are feeling overwhelmed by that list, why not pick two and start to work on those skills? Ask the Holy Spirit to like through you, and before long, you might be having fun with deeply bonded friendships.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Giuseppe Lombardo
