“Whatever you do, be certain that you don’t move.” The medical technician repeated his stern warning for the third time as he adjusted the helmet-like contraption that encircled my head.
I inhaled deeply, thankful for the material covering I had asked him to place over my eyes, as he wheeled my supine body into the MRI machine.
I hate tight spaces.
The medical term for that is claustrophobia, and I actually have a nasty case of it. As the machine began doing its thing, a series of loud knocking noises, beeps, and other indescribable sounds echoed in my ears. I took one other deep breath, hoping my head didn’t budge on the exhale.
The minutes passed, and I started occupied with my work. I like what I do. I get to assist couples who feel stuck of their marriages see a distinct perspective. Much like how I felt the morning of my MRI, these couples often feel helpless and incapable of moving beyond where they’re of their current condition. Perhaps you’re feeling this fashion now. The distractions of life are whirling throughout you, and also you’re just attempting to breathe through them.
Being Stuck is Temporary
I used to be told my MRI would take roughly 40 minutes. I discovered myself dozing off to sleep and wondered how for much longer I’d be within the machine. I began considering of all I had to try this day . . . clients to satisfy with, dinner to cook, oh, and an urgent run to Trader Joe’s. I started making a mental list of what I might do first, what sides I needed to purchase to go along with the dinner I had planned, and so forth. Thinking about my next moves helped the time to pass more quickly.
When you’re feeling stuck in your marriage, there may be an inclination to think your condition is everlasting. Maybe you’ve been here before; the issues creep back in like uninvited house guests. Disappointment settles in since you thought you’d be farther along in your marriage by now. Why can’t you and your spouse appear to make any headway? Perspective is a crucial tool when diagnosing marriage problems. Are you actually stuck, or is that this temporary setback setting you up for greater awareness in your relationship?
Some things in our lives remain hidden until the sunshine of God’s word reveals them. Like the high-tech cameras that took images of my brain, I needed to be still to get the complete picture. When you end up stuck in your marriage, it is useful to ask what must be revealed. What attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors need adjusting? Is there a malignant growth, like unforgiveness or bitterness, hidden within the recesses of your heart? Has the connection between your heart and your spouse’s heart been interrupted, and the life-giving flow of affection can’t go through?
Whatever the cause, it’s vital to do not forget that being stuck is temporary. Too many married couples short-circuit the means of investigation because they don’t have any foresight to grasp what the stuck point can teach them. Pain is a terrible reason to finish a wedding. If you’re in pain, it simply means that you just’re alive. Pain can be an indicator that something is fallacious, not that the whole lot is fallacious.
You Have a Choice
I don’t understand why my body reacted the best way it did in the times preceding my MRI. I do comprehend it was attempting to alert me that something was amiss. I could have chosen to disregard it, or I could have chosen to analyze. Obviously, I selected the latter. When you’re feeling stuck in your marriage, you mostly have a selection. You are usually not a victim of your life. Being stuck is a frame of mind. When you realize that the “stuck point” is there to show you something, you start to find that these temporary stalemates are working to provide a deeper intimacy in your marriage.
There was a degree in my marriage once I never thought my husband and I might overcome the financial mess we were in. We’d take two steps forward and eventually repay a bank card, only to have an unexpected financial need arise with one in all our kids. We tried to avoid wasting an additional fifty dollars that month only to learn we had unintentionally overdrawn our checking account. It was like a yo-yo of disappointment and despair. Would we succumb to living paycheck to paycheck, or would we put some latest habits in place to offer us a bit of respiration room the subsequent month?
Over time, we learned how one can manage our funds properly. We weren’t stuck; we were starting over. Too few married couples understand the fantastic thing about starting over. Things don’t prove the best way we planned, and we’re, as a substitute, tempted to throw the entire thing away. But why not only start over? Again and again, you possibly can begin anew.
We are encouraged, through God’s words to the prophet Isaiah, to alter our perspective on what God is doing now.
“Forget the previous things; don’t dwell on the past. See, I’m doing a latest thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I’m making a way within the wilderness and streams within the wasteland.” – Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV
The past is the past. You can’t return and alter that. But you possibly can begin anew again. Allow God to indicate you the best way. And for those who’re having a tough time finding the best way, He guarantees to make a way in your wilderness.
Strategies for Reconnecting
- Begin with the tip in mind. I might never have allowed myself to be shoved right into a tiny tube for nearly an hour had I not believed that what my doctors found through the test would profit me in the long term. Likewise, while you realize that doing the work of discovering what’s hiding behind the seemingly obvious problems in your marriage is well worth the discomfort, you’ll give up to the method.
- Keep calm. We learned in middle school that humans “fight, flight, or freeze after they perceive danger.” We do the identical in marriage. When problems arise, it’s vital to remain calm and never overreact. Your spouse could appear threatening, but they are usually not the actual problem. Just because this season is difficult doesn’t mean it’s damaging. (Listen to: What If Married the Wrong Person?)
- Do What You Can, Not What You Can’t. You cannot change your spouse. You’ve tried, and it hasn’t worked. However, you can change yourself. Focus on what you possibly can change about your responses, attitude, and role in the wedding. Where have you ever fallen short and want to express regret? What latest patterns are you able to implement to maneuver forward in your relationship? You’ll worry yourself sick attempting to make something occur that’s beyond your control. Instead, decide to work on what’s in your power to manage.
- Trust the Process. We used to sing a song called Trouble Don’t Last Always within the church I grew up in. It’s bad grammar, however it’s good gospel. Trouble is temporary. Trust that your good Father knows what he’s doing. God often uses the strife in our marriage to show us to depend on Him in every circumstance. Too often, we are able to make an idol out of our spouse, so God has to permit us to see them in the right light. If God brought you to it, He will bring you thru it. Trust that his plans for you’re at all times good (Jeremiah 29:11).
- Get Support. We were created for community. No marriage could make it alone. Look on the word community. Its root word is unity. You can only have real unity in your marriage when you’re connected to a community. Church matters. Mentors matter. Friendships matter. Talking to someone about your marriage problems can seem frightening. Vulnerability is a must have characteristic of a healthy marriage. There are a plethora of resources you could eat on your personal, but their impact is magnified while you discuss and practice what you’re learning in community with others. Professionals, like marriage coaches or counselors, can provide help to and your spouse gain a distinct perspective of where you’re in your relationship and provide help to create a plan to get you moving forward.
I’m comfortable to share that the outcomes of my MRI were encouraging. I made it out alive and can proceed to thrive in my health and life. You, too, will make it out of this “stuck place” in your marriage for those who keep your eyes on what matters, give up to the Lord’s guidance, and trust him to make all things latest.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
