London, a young mother of three, sat quietly, staring off into the space as she pondered the query I’d asked as our coaching session approached its ending. After several minutes of silence, she nodded slowly and whispered a straightforward, “Yes.” I knew our work had reached a milestone and at the identical time was just starting.
Will you trust that the Lord has a plan even on this? I’d asked her. It was a serious query. London knew her answer would confirm the difficult decision she’d been wrestling with after learning her husband of seven years had broken their marriage vows, committing adultery with a lady he worked with.
The couple originally sought my help to repair their broken marriage, but after three sessions, I discerned the husband was still actively involved with the girl. Not one to bop around the reality, I asked him outright during our next session. His eyes darted backward and forward, and a panicked look washed over his misty face. As if someone had turned a lightweight on in a darkened room, London squinted her eyes as the reality became clear to her.
She had inclinations that the affair wasn’t over, nevertheless it wasn’t until that coaching session that her fears were confirmed. Her husband made no apologies; he knew his game was over. So, as a substitute of repenting and repairing the wedding, he left—not only our coaching session but in addition London and their kids. Now a single mother, London weighed her options. She knew she had biblical grounds to divorce her husband, as he had each committed adultery and abandonment (Matthew 5:32, I Corinthians 7:15). But what about remarriage? Was she free to remarry if the Lord should bring along a godly man?
The Purpose of Marriage
To have an accurate understanding of God’s view of divorce and remarriage, it’s necessary to grasp the aim of marriage. Our culture tends to invalidate or idolize marriage. A growing secular trend teaches that marriage is just “a chunk of paper” or an option for those in search of financial or tax benefits, but not mandatory for a flourishing family. On the opposite hand, many churches hold marriage because the gold standard of God’s favor and acceptance, often causing those that are single to feel lower than or forgotten. Neither extreme is useful.
As I read Scripture, nevertheless, I’m awestruck at how God interweaves the meaning of marriage throughout its pages. Marriage is about greater than companionship, financial stability, or raising a family. The Bible teaches the aim of marriage is to reflect the image of God within the Earth (Genesis 1:27) and to expand His kingdom (Genesis 1:28), exemplifying the faithful, covenantal relationship Christ has with His Church (Ephesians 5:25-27, Revelation 19:7).
Marriage is very important to God. It will not be a throwaway relationship to be taken frivolously. This is why I is not going to marry a pair who has not dedicated themselves to investing in premarital counseling and committing to honoring God and his principles of their marriage. Couples must be reminded that marriage reflects Christ and His bride (the Church). How does Christ treat His bride? How should His bride treat Christ? Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate (Matthew 19:6).
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When Divorce Is Permissible
Sadly, as within the case of London’s husband, not everyone takes their marriage vows seriously or holds them as much as God’s standard for marriage. To some, marriage is solely a convenient option until something, or someone, “higher” comes along.
In Jesus’s day, the Pharisees, a gaggle of non secular leaders, tried to trip him up with the query of divorce. Citing Moses’s exception to the rule of marriage (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), they desired to know what Jesus said about divorce.
Jesus’s answer ought to be written on the hearts of all who take the wedding vow. He went on to elucidate that Moses only permitted divorce due to the hardness of their hearts (Matthew 19:8). In Biblical times, women often had little to no civil rights. If a lady didn’t please her husband, the husband could simply “send her away” with a certificate of divorce. This was an incredible travesty, as most ladies were unable to support themselves or their children financially without the assistance of a person. To divorce a lady was to subject her to a tough, cruel life. The prophet Malachi goes even further to explain divorce, in these cases, as “treacherous and violent” (Malachi 2:13-16).
However, there have been times when divorce was permitted. In cases of adultery (Matthew 5:32), abandonment (I Corinthians 7:15), and what most mainstream Christians consider to be abuse (Exodus 21:10-11). It is very important to notice that these are permissible cases for divorce, non-compulsory cases. Many of us have witnessed cases where the Lord has so dramatically transformed an individual’s heart that, although the hurt spouse could have legally and biblically pursued a divorce, the wedding was redeemed. It’s necessary that in these cases, fasting and prayer, together with godly counsel, be pursued.
Can Remarriage after Divorce Be Godly?
Every divorce is a breaking of a covenant. Every divorce is attributable to one or each spouses’ hardness of heart. But as Jim Newheiser writes, “While every divorce is attributable to human sin, not everyone who divorces sins.”
Sin might be defined as anything that we are saying, do, or think that displeases God. It displeases God to interrupt covenant. However, there are occasions when the breaking of the covenant is beyond our control. In these cases, God makes provision for remarriage (see Matthew 19:9).
We serve a God who brings beauty from ashes, joy from mourning, and praise from despair (Isaiah 61:3). One of my clients, we’ll call her Joy, was in a very abusive marriage. Her husband claimed to be a Christian and would even use the Bible as a weapon (literally and figuratively) against her. Thankfully, Joy escaped that marriage, got some much-needed counseling, and eventually settled right into a quiet life as a single mom of their then-six-year-old son. Eventually, Joy met and married a godly man, but just a number of years into their marriage, he was unfaithful. Not wanting to be twice divorced, Joy learned about my marriage coaching. She knew she needed someone who could help her and her husband overcome the infidelity of their marriage.
Because her husband was humble and repentant, I made a decision to work with them. Week after week, each Joy and her husband grew as individuals, and we were all elated to see their marriage breathe latest life again. Could Joy have divorced her second husband? The Bible says so, but she selected to remain and see what the Lord could do. Her remarriage is a godly testament to the God who restores, redeems, and heals all things.
The Better Question to Ask
Instead of asking “Is remarriage after divorce” a sin, I think the higher query to ask is how can God get glory out of a second marriage? How would the second marriage bear witness to His will and nature? Marriage will not be easy. It will take each day sacrifice, full give up, and continual forgiveness. This is why it should never be entered or exited frivolously.
The apostle Paul warned, “Everything is permissible,” but not the whole lot is useful. “Everything is permissible,” but not the whole lot builds up (I Corinthians 10:23). Before looking for to remarry, it’s necessary to make sure your heart is healed, you will have fully forgiven (yourself and your spouse), and that you simply invite the Lord into your future. If you divorced for a biblical reason, and the Lord brings you one other spouse, honor your covenant. If you probably did not divorce for a biblical reason, you could be smart to heed the voice of the Lord and to stay within the condition you might be in (I Corinthians 7:25-39).
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Antonio Guillem
