How to Discern Counterfeit Relationships and Trust God’s “No”
Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who you thought was the one? I mean, he was the right package on the skin—tall, handsome, said all the suitable things, and even attended church frequently. He gave the impression to be all the pieces you prayed for in a future husband. But then, his true colours were revealed. You later discovered that he was not sent by God but more like by Satan. You were deceived and ended up heartbroken, feeling like a idiot.
Sis, you are usually not alone. I, like many other women, share an analogous story of a counterfeit relationship that left me offended and confused, picking up all of the pieces of my shattered heart. But I need to let you know that there’s hope. God healed me and gave me wisdom to assist me avoid it from happening again in the longer term. I need to pass this same knowledge on to you as your sister in Christ as I share more of my personal story—should you will let me.
What Is a Counterfeit Relationship?
First, I need to make certain we’re on the identical page after I discuss with the term “counterfeit relationship.” It is a relationship that appears good on the skin but, deep down, lacks authenticity and substance. Counterfeit partners are deceptive by nature and infrequently have ulterior motives—to break their victims for private gain by profiting from the vulnerable. They seem like godly but are really wolves in sheep’s clothing. They are never truly surrendered to God.
2 Corinthians 11:14 says, “But I’m not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of sunshine” (NLT). This scripture shows us that not all the pieces that looks as if light really is.
I need to share with you three tips about the way to discern a counterfeit from the true thing so that you’re going to never need to be deceived or undergo the emotional pain of a counterfeit relationship again.
How to Recognize a Counterfeit Relationship
1. Check the Fruit
Oftentimes, many ladies can easily turn out to be head over heels for a love interest, which makes them fall prey to counterfeits. I used to be a hopeless romantic and a straightforward goal for mine. I used to be blinded by love and ignored many red flags. That’s why I encourage women to make use of their heads before their hearts turn out to be fully invested.
Sis, guard your heart and use your eyes. Look on the fruit in his life. Matthew 7:18 and 20 says, “ tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a foul tree can’t produce good fruit…Yes, just as you’ll be able to discover a tree by its fruit, so you’ll be able to discover people by their actions” (NLT). Pay less attention to the words he says and more attention to what he is definitely doing. Just since you met him at church or he’s a professing Christian doesn’t mean he’s the true deal.
What is his character like? Does he follow through on his guarantees? Is he consistent? Is he living a life that’s submitted to the Word of God and His commands? The guy I dated was flaky, his stories didn’t add up, and his personal lifestyle didn’t reflect that of a follower of Christ. His actions revealed bad fruit. You can imitate light, but you’ll be able to’t fake fruit. So again I say, check that fruit!
2. Listen to Godly Counsel
Another tip I often give is: don’t date alone. I encourage you to ask your godly community into your dating relationships. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there isn’t any counsel, the people fall; but within the multitude of counselors there may be safety” (NKJV). Wolves prefer to go after the loner, but should you stay inside your community, you won’t turn out to be a victim of their schemes.
Your friends, family, and trusted people in your life can see what you’ll be able to’t. They may also provide clever advice when challenges or uncertainty arise throughout the relationship. Now, I encourage you to take heed of their advice. My family and friends warned me concerning the guy I used to be dating. Unfortunately, I dismissed their warnings, and I suffered greatly. There’s no point in having counsel should you avoid their wisdom. So hearken to them because they’ve your best interests at heart and don’t need to see you get hurt.
3. Trust God’s “No”
This one would be the hardest to do, however it offers the perfect reward. Unfortunately, for me, it took some time to see the importance of trusting God’s “no.” Along with not heeding the recommendation of my friends, I also disregarded the warnings from God.
You see, God warned me through several dreams that this guy had multiple women in his life and that he was not His best for me. I didn’t want to just accept it because I didn’t need to be alone. I felt like God just wanted me to be single perpetually. But the reality of the matter was that He had higher plans for me.
Isaiah 55:8 says, “For My thoughts are usually not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. Sis, you’ve to trust God. He has your best interests at heart. He can see the center and secrets of the guy you’re dating you can’t see. He also knows the longer term and the plans He has for you. Whatever which will entail, just know that they’re good because He is sweet! Trusting God’s “no” will prevent time, resources, energy, mental stress, and heartache in the long term. It may not make sense in the mean time, but looking back, you’ll know it was all in love.
Finding Healing After a Counterfeit Relationship
It took some time, but I finally trusted God’s “no” for that specific counterfeit. Afterward, I focused on rebuilding my relationship with God and sought healing for my broken heart. I worshipped, read the Bible, prayed, journaled what was on my heart, took classes, frolicked with like-minded believers, and focused on improving myself for when the suitable one got here. I discovered Psalm 147:3 to be true: “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds” (NLT). God did just that as I hung out with Him.
You may feel such as you’ll never have the ability to like again after going through such emotional heartache, but I’m here to let you know that it can improve. True love is on the market. At the suitable time, God brought me my husband, Damien. When he pursued me, I saw the godly fruit in his life, all my friends approved of the connection, and God (and my natural father) gave us the yes to get married. Now, we reside in a purposeful and joy-filled marriage with kids. It was all well worth the journey and the wait.
I pray you found my story encouraging. I need to depart you with this last thought: “It’s higher to attend on the true thing than waste time on a counterfeit.” Sis, you are value greater than an imitation. You deserve real, godly love.
If you enjoyed this blog, I would really like to ask you to my FREE webinar called “Avoiding Counterfeit Relationships,” where I dive deeper into this topic and provide you with 4 practical steps on the way to break free from a counterfeit relationship and receive healing as you wait for God’s best. I even have a FREE gift for individuals who attend the webinar and stay to the very end. You can gain access to the webinar HERE! See you inside.
With Love,
Kenady Nash
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/dragana991
Together, Kenady and Damien share content on relationships, faith, humor, and private growth through YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok @DamienandKenady. They also co-own Completely You 365, LLC. To learn more visit completelyyou365.com.
