“Joy to the World” was at all times the last song of Christmas mass. Each 12 months, after my grandmother passed, the song would fill my mom with tears. It’s such a blissful and hopeful song, but for her, I knew it symbolized an ache of remembrance and brought along a sting of grief.
As the world was preparing the room for the sweetness and shine of the vacation season, she was preparing for an additional holiday without someone she so fiercely loved. When your life is full of a eternally absence, it changes the way in which each holiday is filtered and experienced. I learned this cumbersome lesson when my very own mother passed away.
Grief is complex. It creates empty spaces. It creates delicate hearts. It creates fragile emotions and sophisticated perspectives.
The vibrant sparkle of lights and the hustle and bustle of the vacations can sometimes mask the emptiness and ache of those that have lost someone they love. As the world smiles, and sings, and rejoices, some hearts are hurting with a magnitude that can not be fully understood until you experience loss for yourself.
As you end up surrounded by those with hurting hearts this holiday season, listed below are some insights to fastidiously ensure they feel loved, seen, and surrounded by grace.
Grief will accompany them wherever they’re invited.
Once you lose someone necessary in your life, you gain a latest companion– grief. This means grieving individuals can be carrying their grief with them into each holiday event this season. It means they can be hoping each can be welcome on the table and surrounding the tree. It means they hope you welcome their light as much as their sorrow since the two at the moment are delicately braided together. Be gentle along with your “Happy Holidays” and your “Merry Christmas’,” for some things won’t feel as “blissful” or as “merry” as they once were– and that’s okay.
A scripture that reminds us to approach and welcome others with patience and gentleness:
“Be completely humble and mild; be patient, bearing with each other in love.” – Ephesians 4:2
As traditions change, our hearts do too.
With loss often comes a newfound responsibility and a latest hierarchy of the family. A latest tradition keeper and tradition maker. This often creates an ache, a longing, and a heavy weight of duty. While attempting to fill shoes that can eternally seem unfillable, their hearts are tender and have been chiseled by the pain that comes with losing someone you’re keen on. This pain doesn’t diminish with time, for it stays at all times and while it becomes easier to hold and laced with more reminiscence than excruciating agony, the vacations appear to shine a highlight on the missing pieces and the missing people. Be gentle as you’re employed through changes that, to some, might feel like an abandonment for all that after was and now can never be.
Scripture that gives the reassurance that God sees the broken hearts of us, or those around us, offering love and healing to all:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
If we cry, it’s a gorgeous thing.
Tears usually are not just for pain and anguish. Tears are for love and remembrance, too. Please don’t worry about mentioning a loved one’s name for fear it would end in crying. Say their names. Tell their stories. Do not let death lessen their influence and their memory. Tears could be a gorgeous thing– an indication of honor. An indication of affection. An indication that we were blessed with someone so special it has modified our entire lives. Tears are an indication that even through death, love is present tense– at all times.
Scripture reminds us that crying and mourning are natural pieces of the human experience, just as welcome as laughter and joy:
“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to bop.” – Ecclesiastes 3:4
Grief & gratitude coexist, as do joy and sorrow.
Do not let someone’s grief have you ever assuming their pain overshadows their gratitude. They hold each, at all times. Grateful for what they’d and what still stays. While also grieving for all they’ve lost, each someone special and all of the experiences that can’t and is not going to ever be. Do not let visible pain and anguish help you forget the invisible appreciation they carry. It will not be on display or easily noticed, however it is there. I promise. Once grief enters your life, you turn out to be the holder of contradicting emotions. You learn things are at all times each— a mix of complexities.
The scripture that serves as a daring declaration of God’s desire to show grief into joy:
“To bestow on them a crown of beauty as a substitute of ashes, the oil of joy as a substitute of mourning, and a garment of praise as a substitute of a spirit of despair.” – Isaiah 61:3
Kindness and beauty are one of the best gifts.
When you don’t have the words and if you’re unsure of the best way to best support someone who’s grieving, the reply might be more easy than you’d imagine: grace and kindness. Nothing can cure the ache of their soul. Nothing can diminish the loss or reverse the fact that they’re forced to understand. The biggest relief you possibly can provide is the liberty to decide on which events and spaces are a fit for them on this season of heartbreak and mourning. Surrounding them with a comforting, authentic, and compassionate spirit is the timeless gift they need this season. They wish to be loved, not fixed. The gifts they need usually are not costly or in need of fancy bows or ribbons, for they’re simply patience, grace, and compassion.
Scripture that reminds us of God’s abundant grace and compassion, which we must always easily offer to others:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles in order that we are able to comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
This holiday season let’s be a compassionate space for individuals who are hurting. May we wrap them in love, comfort, and the space to bring each their grief and their joy– each welcome, at all times.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Maryviolet
