In recent years, surveys show that we have gotten far more divided over politics, with real animosity felt towards the opposite ‘side’ that may result in family breakdown and intolerance. The 2024 US presidential election has been yet one more example. However there are methods by which we will reverse this trend in our own lives and so influence others towards a more charitable attitude, too.
Identify contempt in our own behaviour and choose to stop
We can learn lessons about political hostility from research concerning the domestic kind. Arthur C Brooks interviewed marriage researcher John Gottman for his book ‘Love your enemies: how decent people can save America from the culture of contempt’.
Gottman’s research revealed the most important killer for a wedding to be contempt, which he described as “sulphuric acid for love”. So much so, that he was in a position to predict with 94% accuracy, which couples could be divorced inside three years by assessing how much contempt they showed for one another. “Sarcasm, sneering, hostile humour, and eye-rolling. These little acts effectively say ‘you might be worthless’,” writes Brooks.
This type of contempt is openly shown by each political ‘sides.’ I usually see words like “vermin” or “idiot” or “evil” used for the “other” on social media, especially during elections and the Brexit referendum. Political leaders are only as bad: contempt has been shown by each ‘sides’ at the very best levels within the presidential race.
The culture of contempt has develop into so bad that Brooks considers it to be a type of addiction that’s fed by an “outrage industrial complex” of media corporations and other people invested in keeping us contemptuous.
When asked what he would prescribe for our warring society, Gottman made similar suggestions to those he gives to unhappy couples: try to grasp the opposite’s perspective and listen, offer positive feedback, and never make excuses for your personal contempt, since it is rarely justifiable.
As Christians, perhaps we’d like to take the words of Jesus far more seriously: “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you might be subject to judgment.’ But I say, in case you are even indignant with someone, you might be subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you might be in peril of being brought before the court. And in case you curse someone, you might be in peril of the fires of hell” (Matthew 5:21-22, NLT).
Recognise bias and practise humility
When entrenched in our own position, we frequently fail to perceive our own biases. Psychologists find that we see weaknesses in the opposite side’s arguments much clearer than our own. In the US, 72% of Republicans regard Democrats as more immoral, and 63% of Democrats say the identical about Republicans, in response to a 2022 Pew Research survey, and the proportions have been getting steadily worse over time, together with many other measures of division and hostility.
Even if the political issue you disagree on is a matter of life and death – and in the case of war and foreign policy, or laws on abortion and euthanasia, then the topics really are that essential – there remains to be no justification for showing contempt.
In any case, research shows that insulting others will actually cause them to cling to their very own position fairly than be persuaded to your personal, often called the “boomerang effect,” Brooks says. “We must defend individuals with whom we disagree once they’re insulted by individuals with whom we do agree,” he writes. “No matter what, we’d like to police our own behaviour in order that we do not fall into the trap of insulting the opposite side.”
Examine your labels
Pastor Patrick Miller, a co-host of the Truth over Tribe podcast, told Premier Unbelievable that their goal is to encourage Christians to discover less with a label equivalent to ‘Republican’ or ‘Democrat’. “We advocate for relativising your partisan allegiances,” he said. “Our hope could be that it gets relegated to a much lower importance, and why that basically matters is because if it’s lower you are going to be willing to construct relationships with people who find themselves in the opposite tribe.”
Seek out encounters with individuals who disagree with you
Much has been written concerning the “echo chambers” of social media that mean we rarely encounter the beliefs of the opposite “side” of a debate. When we do come across opponents, it is usually the rudest, most ignorant and least charitable members.
Where we live also affects who we’ll befriend and the opinions we’ll hear. The difference I observe in political discourse, attitudes and opinions between London and more rural areas is stark, and has develop into far more pronounced in my lifetime.
A 2016 Pew Research study found that 24% of the Democrat supporting public had no friends who’re Republican – 14% of Republicans also had no friends who’re Democrat. And that is related to much harsher perceptions of the opposite ‘side’ – those without cross-party friendships rate the opposite side as more close-minded, unintelligent, immoral and dishonest than other Americans.
We can try to alter this by deliberately constructing friendships with individuals who think in a different way to us.
Focus on listening and showing respect
Living Room Conversations is an organisation that seeks to encourage positive discussions across political divides – especially in families. The first of their six points of their suggested ‘agreement’ is to be willing to listen. “Be curious and take heed to understand,” the group advises. “Conversation is as much about listening because it is about talking. You might enjoy exploring how others’ experiences have shaped their values and perspectives.”
If you possibly can’t make it – fake it
Even if political subjects are upsetting and discussing them makes us indignant, and we feel little love for the opposite side, it does not imply that bad behaviour is then justified. “We haven’t got to feel unity and brotherhood,” says Arthur C Brookes in ‘Love your enemies’. “We simply must act in a spirit of unity and brotherhood, and the emotions will follow. By the identical token, if we allow ourselves to take pleasure in habits of contempt – frowning as we take heed to talk radio or getting indignant at the newest outrageous statement from a politician – our emotions will follow those actions as well.”
Make a commitment to Jesus to develop into a peacemaker
Brooks says that we’d like leaders to develop into “bridgers,” who deliberately bring people together and embrace diversity of thought. “These are leaders of all political stripes who see common human stories throughout them and are determined to bring people together,” he writes. “Connection is found after we view each other as individuals with stories and dignity, identical to ourselves… for each the left and right, then, unity requires us to see each other as people at first.”
To return to the great thing about the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told us: “God blesses those that work for peace, for they shall be called the youngsters of God”. The book of James says, “Those who’re peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:18).
Heather Tomlinson is a contract Christian author. Find more of her work at https://heathertomlinson.substack.com/Â or via X (twitter) @heathertomli
