In Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, Jane turns down St. John’s offer of marriage. She can go together with him as a fellow laborer on the mission field to India, but not as a wife. There exists no romantic love between them – not just like the love she had experienced with Mr. Rochester. Unsurprisingly, St. John doesn’t take the refusal well. Despite his statement that he had forgiven Jane, St. John distances himself from her and lets her know that he’ll remember what she had said. As Jane stated within the book, “he had forgiven me for saying I scorned him and his love, but he had not forgotten the words; and so long as he and I lived he never would forget them” (Jane Eyre, Barnes & Noble, 2020, p. 479).
It is unlikely that St. John had truly forgiven the heroine at this point within the story. Yet, even when he had, Brontë portrays an evident difference between forgiving, forgetting, and reconciling, which is true to life. Just because an individual has prolonged the hand of grace to a different doesn’t necessarily mean the connection can proceed as normal. In the case of Jane and St. John, their friendship could never be similar to it was before his proposal of marriage.
Sometimes, Christians are too quick to equate forgiveness with these other actions, which has led to misunderstandings. Individuals might imagine they need to reenter a relationship with everyone who has offended or hurt them. Or to act as if a sin had never occurred. But to forgive is different than forgetting or reconciling with one other. We see this evidenced within the Bible with how God has chosen to cope with us. And if we’re smart, we’ll be aware of our Lord’s actions and seek to mimic Him in our day by day lives while at the identical time recognizing that human relationships, just like the ones shown in Jane Eyre, are complicated.
God’s Mercy and Our Relationship to Him
The basis for our understanding of forgiveness should come from the merciful character of our Lord. Before any person had ever experienced the pain of being hurt by one other, humans caused the Lord grief by turning away from His command and sinning against Him (Genesis 3:6-19). This motion caused Adam and Eve, and all humans since, to be separated from God. No longer would He walk with them companionably through the Garden of Eden. They were exiled from the garden and cut off from a detailed communion with the Lord due to sin (Genesis 3:23).
If humans were those who caused a rift of their relationship with the Lord, then they must be those to repair it, right? Well, no. The gulf is just too wide, and all the nice deeds we attempt to do pale as compared to the severity of our wrongdoings (Isaiah 64:6). On our own, there is no such thing as a technique to make things right with God.
But that’s where the Lord has most shown His mercy and beauty. Although He just isn’t responsible for the fractured relationship, He took it upon Himself to amend it. God the Father sent the Son to die for our sins on the cross (John 3:16). Through Jesus, we’re forgiven of our sins because He endured the punishment that we rightly deserve (see Colossians 1:13-14).
In addition to receiving forgiveness, we also receive the promise that God chooses not to recollect our sins anymore (Isaiah 43:25; 2 Corinthians 5:19). Scripture tells us that “He has removed our sins as removed from us because the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12, NLT). If our past was a messy whiteboard, then Jesus is the eraser that has wiped it clean and made us recent.
Not only that, however the Lord has made the erring rebel right into a precious child. When we trust in Jesus’ death and resurrection, we’re reconciled to the Lord and enter an everlasting relationship – the one for which we were created (John 17:3; Romans 5:10). The great chasm has been crossed, and we’re brought near despite our former positions as outcasts and enemies of God. We at the moment are beloved little kids tasked with the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-21).
Based on the biblical evidence, forgiveness, the decision to forget sin, and reconciliation are closely related. God forgave and reconciled us to Himself, selecting to not count our sins against us. We are accustomed to hearing concerning the Lord forgiving us and bringing us right into a relationship with Himself. However, we must always not confuse these different functions, especially once we apply them to our day by day lives, for they’re distinct acts, even when the Lord has completed all of them through Christ’s death and resurrection.
What Does it Mean to Forgive?
The Lord has forgiven us due to His grace, and He calls us to cope with others in the identical way. As Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesian Christians, “Be kind and compassionate to 1 one other, forgiving one another, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV; see also Colossians 3:13). We must be people known for mercy, offering forgiveness to others just as our loving Lord showed us grace by forgiving our sins. Withholding forgiveness doesn’t fit who we’re as followers of Jesus (Matthew 18:21-35).
Of course, this is simpler said than done. Forgiveness is difficult due to the combination of emotions and events which have passed between people. For example, someone who has been deeply hurt by the actions of one other will struggle to stop harboring anger and bitterness towards that person. The offense seems too severe, and justice is desired.
Yet each time we’re wronged and deeply hurt, we want to recollect our Lord on the cross. Jesus died for us while we were still sinners – we had not tried to alter or make amends, and He still endured death for our sake (Romans 5:8). And because the Savior held on the cross, He forgave those that put Him there (Luke 23:34).
None of us deserve forgiveness, however the Lord gives us grace. We can forgive due to what Christ did for us. As we do, justice just isn’t neglected, for we entrust our hurt and pain to the One who judges justly, like our Lord did (1 Peter 2:23). Vengeance belongs to Him, not us. By forgiving those that unsuitable us, we let go of the bitterness and hatred in our hearts – things that may destroy us if we allow them to stay in our lives.
What Is the Difference between Forgiving and Forgetting?
It is common to listen to people say, “Forgiving is forgetting.” The idea is that an individual’s wrongdoing has been wiped away and now not has a bearing on the connection. To forgive, nonetheless, just isn’t similar to selecting not to recollect an offense. Forgiving involves letting go of bitterness or hatred. The person knows what has happened and acknowledges it as unsuitable but chooses to increase grace.
Forgetting is associated with forgiveness but is distinct in that it involves not counting a person’s wrongdoing against her or him. God gives us forgiveness and decides not to recollect our sins anymore. He knows what we did – it just isn’t as if He developed amnesia. He has, as an alternative, chosen not to carry our sins against us. As the Bible tells us, “I’ll forgive their wickedness and can remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12, NIV; also see Jeremiah 31:34).
In considering the difference between these two acts, though, we don’t want to downplay the evident biblical closeness between forgiving and forgetting. A believer who insists they’ve forgiven someone while in the following moment vowing never to forget the harm done to them conveys a paradox. Yes, there are actions and words that may proceed to affect us in the longer term and on which we may sometimes dwell. It just isn’t as if the hurt will likely be wiped from our memory. Neither does this mean we should ignore or overlook abuse or remain in a dangerous situation? However, if we’re unable to put aside an offense after extending grace, then a remnant of unforgiveness should still be nestled in our hearts.
The loving presence of the Lord enables us to not only forgive someone who has wronged us but to maneuver on and never count the sin against the person. God doesn’t cope with us as our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10). As imitators of Him, we must always strive to do the identical by the facility of the Spirit.
What Does it Mean to Be Reconciled?
When we place faith in Jesus for salvation, we’re reconciled to God. The separation that formerly marked our position to the Lord changes in order that we’re brought near to Him. Reconciliation was at all times a part of the plan of salvation because God desires to be in a relationship with us. And that’s the blessing all believers receive.
The Lord desires all people to be saved (1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:9). But not everyone will likely be restored to a right relationship with the Lord because some will remain of their unbelief and reject Him. They will proceed to be separated from God. Thus, Jesus has provided a way for people to receive forgiveness of sins and reconciliation with the Father. However, that doesn’t mean everyone will accept these gifts.
Similarly, in human relationships, reconciliation just isn’t at all times possible or smart. For example, a girl in an abusive marriage can arrive at a spot where she will forgive her husband, but she doesn’t must remain in that relationship. Trust has been broken, which makes reconciliation an unwise and unsafe option. Or, within the case of a one who lost a parent due to the recklessness of a drunk driver. Over time, with the assistance of Christ, the person will have the opportunity to forgive the offender – but that doesn’t mean she or he should seek to attach with the person.
A restoration of a relationship doesn’t at all times occur after forgiveness. We need to acknowledge this reality as we work through issues with others. There will likely be situations wherein we must always reconnect with those we’ve got forgiven, like what we see modeled within the Bible through Joseph’s life. His brothers expressed remorse over what they’d done, and Joseph forgave them and treated them kindly (Genesis 50:15-21). Other times, though, the connection is just too far gone for any hope of reconciliation. Forgiveness remains to be possible, but reconnecting with the one that sinned against us just isn’t a alternative in every circumstance.
We should strive to forgive others because the Lord has forgiven us while also knowing that it just isn’t at all times possible to reconcile with them.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Evan Kirby
