It’s an age-old fight. A husband or wife’s “love tank” runs dry over the stress and busyness of life, and so they begin to sense an ache of wanting to feel loved. They hope their spouse will do a specific thing or make a certain gesture to indicate that love, but because the days and weeks pass, it doesn’t occur. So bitterness starts to sprout, watered by a little bit of resentment and passive-aggressive tactics, until a full-blown fight has blossomed.
“I just need you to indicate me you like me!”
“I do!”
“But you never do XYZ.”
“But I did ABC, and also you didn’t even notice!”
You know. You’ve been there. It’s ultimately not a case of 1 spouse ignoring the opposite or refusing to fulfill their needs—it’s most typically a difficulty of 1 spouse not realizing what those needs are.
Enter the love languages! What I like essentially the most concerning the love language system, created by Gary Smalley, is that it teaches us to present love in a way that is really received by our loved one. Nothing is wasted! No more miscommunication, assumptions, or accusations. When each spouse recognizes how the opposite one best receives love, it becomes easy to shower them with that approach to love.
1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV) “Let all that you just do be done in love.”
While nothing is ever an ideal formula, the five love languages provide an ideal map for expressing our affection. And with Valentine’s Day coming up, gift-giving could be tricky on this same sense. What does your spouse actually need?
For example, I like getting trinkets, so I’m naturally inclined to present them! For Christmas, nothing makes me happier than receiving a present that’s custom-tailored to my unique preferences and interests. This might mean book earrings, Gilmore Girls merch, coffee mugs with a present card to Starbucks tucked inside, or figurines from my favorite movies or novels (like Alice in Wonderland, The Office, etc.). I like lining those cute little Funko Pop figures on my office bookshelves or workstation.
My husband’s worst nightmare, nevertheless, is having a bunch of knickknacks crowding his desk! So while I like picking out something fun from his favorite TV shows for him to display, it misses the mark with him. The gift I’m enthusiastic about becomes a burden because gifts aren’t his love language. However, he’s completely satisfied once I hold the flashlight for him while he repairs the dishwasher or I accompany him on errands. That’s because he receives love higher as acts of service and quality time.
See how easy it’s to get confused? I could have my feelings hurt because he didn’t respond as I’d hoped to the gift I’d picked out for him—or I could understand that he’s wired in a different way. Just like I could care less if he did the dishes or washed my automobile for me, I could be ecstatic over a Lorelai Gilmore Funko. (That he would just assume set on fire.) Ha!
When we understand one another, we will show love in ways which can be deeply received and help keep one another’s “love tanks” filled—all 12 months round, not only at Valentine’s.
Proverbs 3:27 (ESV) “Do not withhold good from those to whom it’s due, when it’s in your power to do it.”
If we actually love our spouse, we’ll desire to indicate them love in ways they naturally receive. When we understand it doesn’t work for them, insisting on doing things our own way shouldn’t be very loving.
If you’re not certain of your spouse’s love language (or your individual!) here’s a link to the free online test: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language.
And listed below are multiple gift ideas for every of the five love languages—just in time for the perfect demonstration of affection this Valentine’s Day:
Words of Affirmation
1. Gratitude Journal
Write out several stuff you love about your spouse, what you’re thinking that they’re good at, etc., in a journal and provides them the book as their gift. You can take it a step further and commit to writing in all of it 12 months long. They’ll at all times have a spot to come back back to after a tough day for positive affirmation!
2. Handwritten Letter
Love letters were popular in times past for a reason! Pour out your heart right into a handwritten love note in your spouse and wrap it up like a gift. They’ll be touched.
3. Compliment Box
Decorate a shoebox, cut a gap in the highest like a homemade mailbox, and write thirty stuff you love about your spouse on thirty slips of paper. Then every single day for a month, your spouse can pull out a recent slip of paper and be encouraged and affirmed.
Acts of Service
1. Do That Chore
You know the one—the one he’s been avoiding since it makes him drained to even take into consideration starting it! Maybe it’s cleansing out the spare closet, organizing the garage, or painting the laundry room. Whatever it’s, surprise him for Valentine’s Day by getting it done for him!
2. Wash His Car
Surprise him by handwashing and detailing his vehicle—in and out. He’ll like it!
3. Arrange for Something He Hates Doing to Be Handled for Him
If you’ll be able to afford it, surprise the Hubs this V-Day by arranging for something he hates to do frequently to be handled for him, similar to three months’ price of lawn care, a subscription to the local automobile wash, and even something so simple as committing to take over trash duty for a month.
Gifts
1. Food
If your spouse loves receiving gifts, nothing beats the gift of chocolates, beef jerky, or several bags of his favorite snacks. You can get fancy with gourmet popcorn and treats or just refill on the local gas station in your favorite candy.
2. Custom Stuff
Like I discussed earlier, Funko Pops, merch from his favorite TV show or movie, the most recent novel within the series he loves, etc. The sky is the limit here, really! Not only will he benefit from the gift, but he’ll also feel special since you selected something specific to his tastes to surprise him with. Disclaimer—remember, it’s essential to make the gifts intentional when giving to someone whose love language is receiving gifts. Any ol’ last-minute purchased present won’t do. (Neither will something expensive but random!) It should be tailored to their individual taste and preferences, or the goal shall be missed.
Quality Time
1. Coupon Book
Create a booklet with coupons for quality time together running errands, walking the dog, visiting a park or museum, etc.
2. Plan a Day-date
Gift him with an in depth list of a day-date you’ll treat him to! Or have him block out his calendar and surprise him throughout the day with each recent outing you’ve planned. FYI—Progressive dinners (where you go to at least one location for appetizers, one other location for dinner, and yet a 3rd for dessert) are a fun method to make a date last more.
3. Gift Cards
Gift him money to his favorite places, but bonus—you come included! Does he love Starbucks? Give him a present card with the promise of your organization as a package deal. Whether it’s visiting a gun range, his favorite comic book store, or a restaurant, this gift will show him you’re desirous to spend time with him.
Physical Touch
1. New Lingerie
There really doesn’t must be else said here! ::wink::
2. 30 Days of 30-Second Hugs
Men like hugs, too. If your spouse is blessed by physical touch, then touch him! A coupon book for thirty days of thirty-second hugs is a sweet—and reasonably priced—gesture for acknowledging his need. A half-minute hug can refuel and reconnect you as a pair, in addition to fill his personal love language tank.
3. Gift Card for a Massage
Not all touch needs to be sexual and even affectionate. A present card for knowledgeable massage could really ease your spouse’s tension and be a deeply appreciated gift. Or, to make it more personal and/or spice it up, gift him a coupon book for multiple massages—from you!
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