As Christians, we will have a tough time setting boundaries. We need to consider the most effective from our brothers and sisters in Christ and will not know what to do after we encounter a manipulative person, especially if that person claims to be a believer. Often manipulative people can use gaslighting techniques, so we predict we’ve turn into the issue somewhat than them. In this text, we’ll explore most of the signs that we can have run right into a manipulative person, and take care of them in a biblical way.
Examples of Manipulative People within the Bible
Although those in Ancient times may not have had terms for gaslighting or projecting, they did understand the concept of deceit and false friends. We know plenty of individuals throughout Scripture who would use sugar-coated words and faux actions to get what they wanted. Let’s explore just a few of those now.
For instance, let’s take a have a look at the story of Daniel within the lions’ den in Daniel 6. When Daniel had earned a high place of power, because of his labor, he earned quite a lot of political enemies. They attempted to get King Darius to enact a law that would kill this prophet.
Daniel 6:6-9: “So these administrators and satraps went as a bunch to the king and said: “May King Darius live eternally! The royal administrators, prefects, satraps, advisers and governors have all agreed that the king should issue an edict and implement the decree that anyone who prays to any god or human being in the course of the next thirty days, except to you, Your Majesty, shall be thrown into the lions’ den. Now, Your Majesty, issue the decree and put it in writing in order that it can’t be altered—in accordance with the law of the Medes and Persians, which can’t be repealed.” So King Darius put the decree in writing.”
Notice how they use very flattering language to puff up the pride of the king and cloud his senses. Let’s take a have a look at one other example present in Esther 3. We all know the story of Haman and the way he tricks the Persian king into making a decree that would kill the Israelite people (noticing a pattern?). Let’s analyze the verses during which Haman does so.
Esther 3:8-9: “Then Haman said to King Xerxes, “There is a certain people dispersed among the many peoples in all of the provinces of your kingdom who keep themselves separate. Their customs are different from those of all other people, they usually don’t obey the king’s laws; it will not be within the king’s best interest to tolerate them. If it pleases the king, let a decree be issued to destroy them, and I’ll give ten thousand talents of silver to the king’s administrators for the royal treasury.”
Haman lies and stretches the reality—all because Mordecai wouldn’t bow to Haman—to get the king on his side.
5 Warning Signs of Manipulative People
So how can we distinguish a manipulative person now? After all, our close friends aren’t getting kings to make a law to destroy us. So how can we spot a manipulative person? And how can we take care of them in a biblical way?
They Play the Victim
Everyone faces trials. And we must always not discount when someone goes through something incredibly difficult. But a manipulative person will take this to the intense. Everything will grow to be a trial for them. In their eyes, they’ll do no mistaken. If an individual appears to have an unrepentant heart and places the blame on anything but themselves (circumstances, other people, etc.) then you’ll have run right into a manipulative person. You handle this example through prayer (asking God to open their eyes) and thru telling them after they should take responsibility for their very own actions. They may not react well to this, so ensure you season your words with salt and that you simply do every little thing with grace (Colossians 4:6).
They Withhold Information
You know for those who’ve run into this person. When you ask them what’s the matter they are saying, “Nothing.” They almost want you to coax the knowledge out of them. Manipulators generally tend to love to manage situations. They achieve this by seizing control of what information they’ll and won’t share. If you run into this type of manipulator, it could be best to diffuse the situation. The more attention you give to the actual fact they’ve withheld information, the more they’ll use this to their advantage. Express to them the way it hurts you that they won’t share but that you simply are also not going to beg for the knowledge out of them.
They Turn it right into a “You” Problem
Manipulators don’t prefer to be called out for his or her mistaken actions. So they’ll use every trick within the book to try to turn the tables on you. They may use ad hominem arguments, “Well, you’re an obtuse person, so in fact you wouldn’t understand the situation” or “Well, you probably did XYZ motion a 12 months ago, so I don’t see the way you’re justified in bringing up this motion to me.” They may say that you simply’re projecting your feelings about yourself onto them, or worst of all, that you simply made the entire thing up or exaggerated (gaslighting). They find ways to make you feel shame so the eye gets off of them.
When faced with this type of person, only the grace of God can turn their hearts. A one who had gone too deep into this path lacks an excellent deal of conviction and can need a prompting of the Holy Spirit to show them away from these manipulative tactics. When faced with such an individual, express how much hurt you’re feeling, the way you do consider that you simply haven’t exaggerated concerning the situation, and the way you’d love to hunt reconciliation.
They Compliment Fish
We’ve all run into this form of person. And, if we’re honest, we’ve been this type of person before. “I’m so untalented.” “I’m worthless.” “I’ll never be adequate.” We or the manipulator may say this statement to get the other response. “Oh, don’t say that. You’re so talented and amazing.”
When someone does this, it could be helpful to say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Obviously, that’s not true, but I hope you keep in mind that you’re made within the image of God and are loved by him” (Genesis 1).
They Anger Easily
Do you realize someone who has a brief fuse? Maybe you walk on eggshells around them or filter your speech because they’ll take anything you say the mistaken way. They’ll mechanically assume that every little thing you say is a tirade against them, even for those who aren’t talking about them at that moment. Christians may struggle to know what to precise to this person. Again, it could take a heart change from the Holy Spirit for this person to understand what they’ve done. Like all our examples before, declare how you’re feeling. Tell them you fear that for those who say the mistaken thing that they could blow up or cut off ties with you but achieve this with grace.
I’m sure that after we’ve read through these examples that we will think of somebody in our lives who follow these patterns. But we must keep in mind that manipulators don’t often realize how their actions affect others. In fact, we can have lots of these toxic traits as well. Ask God to open your eyes to how it’s possible you’ll be employing these manipulative tactics, and hunt down forgiveness for those you’ll have hurt as well.
Other Sources
6 Ways You’re Being Manipulative without Even Realizing it
5 Manipulative Tactics Used by Narcissistic Abusers
How to Protect Yourself from These 10 Toxic People
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
Hope Bolinger is an acquisitions editor at End Game Press, book editor for hire, and the writer of just about 30 books. More than 1500 of her works have been featured in various publications. Check out her books at hopebolinger.com for clean books in most genres, great for adults and youngsters. Check out her editing profile at Reedsy.com to search out out about hiring her to your next book project.
