I’m a Mama who has been through the heartache of worrying my daughter would take her life on account of the mean words that peers spoke over her and the physical and emotional bullying that she endured. I felt so alone in my journey, and I drudged through the pain to attempt to determine the subsequent steps to take for our daughter and family. Behind the Hidden Doors: Bullying, Hope and Identity will lessen among the blow for you and prevent from among the heartache we went through by creating an easy-to-follow bridge and guide to your child and also you, the parent, guardian, caregiver, or community. One that might support you as you discover healing, hope, and identity and as you unlock the doors of bullying and walk in redemption—not only to your child but in addition to your heart. The chapters on this book lay out the subsequent right motion steps to soak up helping a toddler find hope and identity again on the opposite side of bullying. In addition, it’s intertwined with my daughter’s stories of being bullied and the healing journey I took as a Mama. Ultimately, it is going to help the kid being bullied and her family feel seen, heard, and valued as they navigate the healing journey that they’ve launched into together to seek out hope and identity as a SURVIVOR not a victim. It will give each the survivor and their family a voice, a path forward, and a deep understanding that they will not be alone on this battle. They will overcome this together and emerge stronger and more empowered on the opposite side.
As your personal guide on this book, I walk with you thru several doors and shine the sunshine into each room of your child’s bullying story (at home, school, and counseling office). Just like a museum or foreign country’s guide, I prepared the ground, share essential information to get you thru safely, encourage you to ask more questions, reveal things that only an area or skilled guide would know (as a fellow parent of a bullying survivor), and take your hand when it gets hard or dark. You will not be meant to do that alone! Before you officially walk through each door, I’ll prepare you for what you would possibly experience once you enter. I would like you to come back out victorious to your child, to assist her gain back her hope, price, and identity and to not only survive but thrive!
“Bullying happens in all shapes and forms. It knows no boundaries relating to gender, race, personality, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, or IQ level. No school is exempt! It happens in public, private, magnet, academy, charter, secular, and parochial schools. As long as free will exists, bullying will occur. In 2023, nearly one out of 5 students reported being bullied. That is sort of 20 percent of scholars! In the South, in 2023, that was over 8.5 million students ages twelve to eighteen. And that stat only reflects the scholars who shared they’d been bullied. Research and my skilled and private experience show there are much more students who will not be divulging to anyone they’ve been bullied, especially students who’re terrified of repercussions or revenge brought upon them by the kid who’s bullying if that information is disclosed. I’m not condoning this in any respect; I’m merely bringing to light the character of the beast. Know my skilled and mama heart here. I even have taught for greater than fourteen years now and have been a powerful advocate for stopping this problem in its tracks.
As Dr. Sally Kuykendall says, “Bullying is when a number of individuals with power repeatedly abuse an individual with lesser power for the aim of causing harm, distress, or fear.” To be considered bullying, the act must contain the next:
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Purposeful motion.
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Malicious intent (hurt, embarrassment, humiliation, or intimidation).
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Repetition (however it doesn’t at all times should be the identical motion).
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Imbalance of power between the victim and bully, where the bully has greater power.”
These are 4 distinct characteristics that sound easy to identify, but adults will not be at all times attuned to bullying which may be happening in the colleges because they don’t walk the halls and into the classroom with their child. “However, as a toddler enters her home, she feels protected and lets her guard down because the home becomes her safety zone. She knows she is loved and won’t be judged for immature responses to the world round her. Emotions are complicated though. Often, the motion and emotion adults see on the surface is just a chunk of what is absolutely occurring underneath the visible emotional puzzle; the emotion iceberg. Just like an actual iceberg, adults can only see the tip of what is happening, and most of what’s unfolding is hidden below the water. Since children are still growing and their brains are still developing, the emotion that originally comes out sometimes isn’t even the emotion they really feel. This emotional overload that happens inside a toddler is an internal tornado. Children’s brains can easily go into fight, flight, or freeze mode.”
We at the moment are going to get a glimpse inside a toddler’s mind. Please remember, this can be a delicate space, so tiptoe as you go along, and don’t touch anything right away. Some belongings you see on this room have been kept secret for a lot of reasons:
As you tiptoe into the kid’s mind, you would possibly feel taken out at your knees by the swirling exclamatory sentences. You duck to save lots of your footing, but you’ll be able to’t help but notice the brilliant, daring, red words that keep coming at you. It’s as in the event that they are on fire. No one likes me! Everyone hates me! I’m the worst. No one desires to be my friend. No one will play with me. I’m the worst person on this planet! I wish I wasn’t alive! This is anger. Your child is indignant with how she is being treated at college. She is shaming herself due to all of the untruths the kid who’s bullying her is saying. Internally, your sweet child has lost her innocence. The child who’s bullying is robbing her of the truths you’ve helped to put as a foundation, and that person has filled her head with toxic lies. She is struggling to see her price and identity because she is being torn down emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
As you trek, all the red disappears, and now the room is bathed in ultraviolet light. Ideas are flying everywhere, like a whirlwind, but they will not be landing. Instead, they’re colliding as they fly around. This is shame. I’m dumb. I’m ugly. I’m unlovable. I’m unseen. I’m weak. I’m useless. I’m unlikable. As this internal monologue swirls, an enormous, daring warning sign brightens the room. “Just don’t share anything! Don’t tell anyone what’s happening! No one will consider you!” A whisper comes across: Shh, keep this to yourself this isn’t protected to share. You are the rationale this is going on. Even your parents won’t consider you. Keep this to yourself.
A blue-gray hue now engulfs the room. It is a thick haze that takes over. This is sadness. Images start flashing through her mind. Today’s bullying experience is taking on her thoughts. Flashback feelings of her pain and sadness exist on replay. The mean words leave wounds in her mind, like scratches on her brain. The emotional bullying is playing Tug of War along with her emotions. The physical wound aches. Questions saunter through her mind: Why is she so mean to me? Why does she hate me? Why won’t she leave me alone? Why me? Then the flood comes; the tears cannot stop falling.
The room immediately shifts to a dark gray color. She has buried herself in a pillow, and her mind is sort of numb. It doesn’t know what direction to go now. What to think in any respect. Her mind is bored with going forwards and backwards. In the gap, a quiet voice enters: “Time to eat. Dinner is prepared.” The gray lingers, and the words fall to the bottom. She is feeling detachment from the current and from her emotions. Food sounds gross, unappetizing.
Thankfully, this time, the room lightens to a brighter gray. With the little bit of energy she has left, she mouths the words, I’m not hungry. Then the room fades off right into a dark gray cloud once more.
After what looks like hours (but is just minutes), the room lightens again. Images of her family fill the room. They look like eating dinner. You see her plate float into the room. All of the food is blurry. She continues to be feeling detached. Parts of phrases blow through the room, but they’re jumbled. Her family is talking to her, but she doesn’t understand anything they are saying. She is numb, not present.
The room turns eerily black. Fearful dreams are flashing throughout the room. The child who’s bullying is shoving her down. Insults pierce her side. Friends walk away from her on the playground. She is alone on the swings. No one is in sight. The recess teacher points a finger at her. “This is all of your fault! You bring this on yourself!”
A brilliant orange light shines through the room. Your eyes burn. This is anxiety. Nightmares flash through the room over again, and he or she is anxious concerning the next day at college. The room has a clashing sound ringing through it. This is all of the noise that fills her head as she frets concerning the what-ifs which will occur within the upcoming day. She’s going to be mean again! She’s going to make me feel bad. My friends will not be going to play with me. I’m going to be on their own. A loud heartbeat blares within the room. It is her racing heart as she thinks of the unknowns and worries concerning the nightmares becoming real.
A mirrored reflection shines into the room; it’s her image within the mirror. She has cuts and bruises. Those are the hurts the kid who’s bullying or children who’re bullying have placed in her mind and possibly on her body. Her face is downcast, tear-stained, and scarred. She looks for hope within the shadow of the mirror. That is you! She is searching for your hand and a chunk of your heart to assist her get through.
“Kids will not be resilient! Instead, identical to adults, kids are human. Children have breaking points. This precious child has hit her breaking point head-on! Her head is being crammed with negative thoughts and false “I’m” statements.” Your child needs your hand, your heart, and your mind to assist guide her to reclaiming hope, identity, and freedom as a SURVIVOR not a victim of bullying.
Now is the time to choose up this book and begin shining a lightweight through one door at a time towards your child’s healing journey. Your child, along with your help, gets to decide on to rise from the ashes and live in the reality of who she is, walk in freedom, and never let the past define and dictate who she is in the current and future! It’s time to take back what’s rightfully your child’s: her true value, her price, and her identity!
Behind Hidden Doors: https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Hidden-Doors-Bullying-Identity-ebook/dp/B0DKFWNX6T
This excerpt is from Behind the Hidden Doors and is used for illustrative purposes only. We don’t own this content. All rights to the unique work are retained by the copyright holder.
Photo Credit: ©Getty/AlexLinch
She is generally known for her gift of mercy, helping all who meet her feel seen, heard, and valued. With a passion for empowering women and youngsters to walk in freedom, she dedicates herself through her vlog, books, Freedom Diaries Podcast, speaking, and community engagements and events to assist them reclaim hope, identity, and joy. Connect with Rachel on her website and Instagram.
