Last weekend, my sister, three daughters, and I headed over to my dad’s house, per his request, to sift through the piles of garments, boxes, and abundance of images my precious mom had in her closet. My dad said he was growing disheartened seeing all her stuff and just wanted it cleared out. While it was emotionally draining for all of us, I desired to honor my dad, so I hesitantly obliged.
Grief is weird and oddly uncomfortable. After my mom passed, I saw how each of my relations carried it quite otherwise, sometimes causing undo conflict or tension. My dad has at all times been outwardly strong, but after fifty years of marriage and the premature and unexpected death of his beloved wife, I need to admit he has embraced his tender and emotional side while also appearing numb or jaded at times. Her passing modified him drastically. Not necessarily in a great or bad way; he’s just different. And to be fair, all of us are.
In all honesty, I wish I could say that grief has this linear movement that gets higher when you reach the top, but that’s not exactly what happens. At least for me, it tends to maneuver in waves. There are highs and lows, good days and bad, and infrequently, they clumsily collide, leaving me weeping and laughing at the identical time.
That said, while it’s been a rough two and a half years, there’s just something about heading into the autumn season that has a way of sweeping in an all-new wave of grief, essentially catching me off guard. Maybe since it softly summons grief with the changing of the leaves, whispering a stark reminder that while seasons change and the world keeps turning, my world has essentially stopped. She’s gone.
Friend, if this season is bringing on waves of grief that appear unbearable, while I wish I could say it gets higher, that’s not at all times the case. However, I can say that in time, the burden becomes lighter and easier to carry. With the ushering of every recent season, the waves have a way of lessening and never coming on quite as strong. That means you could easily breathe again and, yes, even experience joy. I assure you that the sorrow won’t ever fully disappear, as grief will at all times be an element of you, but there’s hope!
Jesus provides healthy ways to confront our grief and offers comfort for our weary hearts. So, take heart, sweet friend, and let’s head into this beautiful autumn season with our eyes fixed on the One who will give us hope and grant us peace.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Dagna Ellaby
