The Gray Divorce: What Is Happening?
“Laura, my 66-year-old mom just told me that she and my dad are getting divorced. I’m in shock. They have been married for thirty-nine years. Why? What are they considering?”
This daughter can’t fathom her parents getting divorced of their senior years. However, it’s not that atypical. Baby Boomer couples are divorcing at astounding rates.
“Research has found that boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — are divorcing greater than some other generation. A recent evaluation of divorce data from 1990 to 2021 released in July by Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research found that divorce rates for those aged 45 and over rose during that period, while rates dropped for those younger than 45. The most vital increase in divorce rates was amongst people 65 and older: The rate tripled from 1990 to 2021.1 in 4 divorces were amongst those age 65 or older.”
While we could also be surprised to find that an older generation is selecting to separate, the larger query appears to be—why?
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Between online research and my very own commentary after 30 years in divorce ministry, listed here are the highest reasons:
People reside longer.
While that is a very good thing, it’s also causing us to rethink our lives. Older generations viewed being 66 as nearing the tip of life. No longer. Today, it’s viewed more as midlife or, on the very least, “still young.”
It’s been miserable for a very long time.
Many have remained in a foul marriage without doing work to enhance it. After the youngsters turn into adults, go off to school, or get married, the couple is faced with issues which have been swept under the rug for 30 years. It’s not unusual that they now not enjoy being with one another, and without the distractions of the youngsters, they need out.
The stigma is gone.
In previous generations, people stayed together because getting divorced was embarrassing. That’s now not the case. Adults don’t view leaving a spouse as a shameful thing but slightly as “I should be pleased.”
The abuse is not any longer tolerable.
If a spouse has remained in an abusive marriage as a result of fear or the need for the youngsters to have an intact home, that spouse may feel they now have the tools or support to depart the wedding.
Women have more cash.
In past generations, men made substantially more income than women. Therefore, a girl can have felt she couldn’t leave. However, the opportunities for income have increased for girls, which has given them the liberty to divorce.
The retirement of 1 spouse.
When one spouse is now home on a regular basis and the opposite remains to be working, it might probably change the couple’s dynamics. If the wedding was already on shaky ground, this might push it over the sting.
Pornography and infidelity have invaded the wedding.
We often assume that pornography only affects the younger generation, but that’s inaccurate. Many senior women discover their spouse has been hooked on porn for a while. This breaks the trust and foundation of the wedding, and if the husband refuses to stop, it might probably cause the union to crumble.
God is gone.
Older generations viewed their vows before God as a sacred act of commitment. With the growing trend within the USA to show away from God, faith, church, or holiness, many find no reason to remain committed to marriage. There is not any accountability to others and no healthy fear of doing something improper. They don’t consider there might be consequences to their actions.
I feel young again.
For a season, my husband worked in a senior community in Florida. It was shocking to see the difference in how people acted versus the same-aged seniors in my hometown. Because the setting strongly encouraged a “party atmosphere,” the seniors took on the persona of teenagers. They desired to feel young again. While it provided great fun for them, I also noticed a negative side. As they lost their inhibitions and ran toward the fountain of youth, there was a big increase in alcohol consumption and flirtation with those that weren’t their spouse. Suddenly, a really faithful spouse of forty years was taking a look at a recent man or woman on the dance floor and desiring him/her to be more “fun” than the “old spouse.” For many, the move to a senior community went from an ideal experience to a disaster.
The Church doesn’t address real marital problems.
For a few years, I actually have tried to get church leadership to know the unique issues individuals are facing today and the way they differ from previous generations. These complexities include seniors.
It’s a second marriage.
A whopping 86% of baby boomers born between 1957 and 1964 were remarried by age 46. This union often created a stepfamily. And stepfamilies are more complicated than first-time marriages. A high remarriage rate amongst older populations is probably going contributing to the grey divorce phenomenon, because the divorce rate is higher for remarried couples than first-time marriages. Put simply, research shows that more marriages equate to higher divorce rates, with over 60% of second marriages and 70% of third marriages ending in divorce.
When kids observe their parents’ divorce, it affects their view of marriage. Now, the younger generations are witnessing grandma and grandpa getting divorced. This cultural change communicates to them that “marriage doesn’t work or last,” leading to a high rate of cohabitation slightly than marriage for the present generation. Simply put, they’re afraid of the commitment.
Today, 30 percent of young adults ages 18-34 are married, but 40 years ago, in 1978, 59 percent of young adults were married.
Understanding why seniors are getting divorced will help us recognize the complexities they face. This should stir compassion slightly than judgment.
This article originally appeared on Laura Petherbridge’s blog.
Related Resource: Rebuilding Us Podcast Q&A: I’m in a Sexless Marriage and Suffering Silently
Sexless marriages are on the rise, leaving each husband and wife frustrated, lonely, and hurt. Today’s Rebuilding Us Podcast query comes from a listener who’s been married for 30 years and sexless for one yr. He describes in painful detail how his wife’s rejection has him leaning toward divorce and the way he’s tempted consistently. This episode will not be for the faint at heart. Listen in as I encourage this husband and anyone else who could also be experiencing a sexless marriage the best way to overcome it and turn into free to benefit from the physical pleasure your marriage needs.
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Laura Petherbridge is a global speaker, writer, and life coach. She has five books, When I Do Becomes I Don’t Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce, The Smart Stepmom (co-authored with Ron Deal), 101 Tips for The Smart Stepmom, Quiet Moments for the Stepmom Soul, and Seeking a Silent Night: Unwrapping a Stepfamily Christmas. Her appearances include: The Billy Graham Training Center, Lifeway, Focus on the Family, Family Life, MomLife Today, MOPS, Christianity Today, iBelieve, Crosswalk and Celebrate Kids to call just a few. She will be reached at www.TheSmartStepmom.com.
