In this podcast (episode #596) and blog, I discuss how uncontrolled regret can affect us mentally and physically and tips on how to manage our regrets and make them work for us and never against us.
This is a replay of a Neurolive webinar I did on my app. For the complete webinar Ad-free, please see Neurocycle.app, or search for Neurocycle on the App Store or Google Play.
Unmanaged regret could make us feel like we’re truly wading through a swamp with no sign of ending. It is one in every of those emotions that’s so crippling that it might be hard to get through the day, let alone move forward or heal. It is really easy to feel like we’re drowning in our “darkest moments”.
It can be pretty insidious. It tends to haunt so many areas of our lives directly, sometimes without us even realizing until it is simply too late. Suddenly, we’re caught in a thunderstorm of disappointment, guilt, remorse, sorrow or helplessness, and are left asking how, we came and the way we are able to leave.
If this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone. Regret encompasses so many human emotions, especially sadness, disappointment, frustration, and might leave us incapacitated and unable to heal. It normally results from something that has happened, something that has been done to us, a lost opportunity, or lost time. We are inclined to take out our regrets most on ourselves, torturing our minds with various scenarios on what could have happened, which may have many negative mental and physical health repercussions.
Regret feels awful because, by its nature, it makes us think that there was something we could have done or said otherwise, or some more sensible choice we could have made. It compounds all these swirling emotions with feelings of guilt and shame, further incapacitating our ability to maneuver on and heal.
Over time, this will impact our overall wellbeing since the emotional distress that unmanaged regret triggers can dysregulate our hormones and immune system, making them vulnerable to ill-health. Imaging studies show increased activity in several areas of the brain, including the medial orbitofrontal cortex, the anterior cingulate cortex and the hippocampus, once we experience regret. If we stay within the mind-set, this high activity can grow to be unbalanced and contribute to every kind of problems within the brain and body.
We need to learn tips on how to manage regrets because they’re an inescapable a part of life. Every day is full of selections, lots of which may go improper. Even probably the most “well lived” life will not be perfect!
Some of probably the most common regrets we experience are ones regarding education, profession, romance, parenting, the self, and leisure, which, are all ongoing and organic experiences full of selections and possible mistakes. These regrets, if managed, may also help us learn from our mistakes because they permit us to see possibilities and potential outcomes, which supplies us higher data for more informed decisions. Dwelling on the past in a healthy way, to learn something about our current and future selves, may also help us conceptualize and realize our “ideal self” in the long run in addition to help with regret in the current by emphasizing our ability to grow and heal.
One of the most effective ways we are able to learn to administer our regrets and keep ourselves from spiraling is to develop what I call a “possibilities mindset”. This is a way of considering that perceives every kind of probabilities and potentialities in any given situation. It is intrinsically hopeful, and may also help us reframe regret as a component of our journey towards a future, higher destination.
When we embrace a possibilities mindset, we see “could have and would have” scenarios as possibilities that will or may not have happened, which give enriching information that could be useful for us in the current or future. These regrets grow to be data to complement our experience versus a battering ram to beat us up.
To practice this, don’t allow yourself to see your regrets as failures that outline who you’re as an individual. See them as possibilities that didn’t materialize, which you possibly can still learn from to open up future probabilities. Visualize these scenarios as opportunities where you gained knowledge that may aid you in the long run.
To make this a habit, deliberately and intentionally practice seeing possibilities in every regret you will have and writing them down, which can help organize your considering. I like using tables to do that as I analyze each regret and search for the chances that it might result in in my life. The more you do that, the more you will see yourself applying this mindset in your life. Start with more easy regrets first to accumulate your resilience to face major regrets you might be holding onto.
For more on managing regret, hearken to my podcast (episode #596). If you enjoy listening to my podcast, please consider leaving a 5-star review and subscribing. And keep sharing episodes with family and friends and on social media. (Don’t forget to tag me so I can see your posts!).
Originally published by Dr. Caroline Leaf. Used with permission.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes
