Proverbs 3: 24 tells us that “once we lie down our sleep shall be sweet.”
But what happens when it isn’t? What happens when your sleep is often interrupted by a snoring spouse, your partner’s restless leg syndrome, your husband’s sleep apnea, or your wife’s sleep schedule that’s the overall opposite of yours?
I actually have been married for twenty-three years, and though I like sleeping beside my husband, I get so bothered when he inadvertently steals my covers and it wakes me up, or when he can’t sleep so he keeps me awake together with his tossing and turning. He likely gets annoyed that I am going to bed and get up super early, interrupting his later sleep schedule. Sometimes, even the person you’ve been lying next to for over twenty years makes it hard to allow you to get that sweet sleep the Bible talks about.
What Is Sleep Divorce?
Sleep Divorce, the choice to sleep in separate bedrooms, in response to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, is utilized by 1/3 of American couples.
Some of the explanations for sleep divorce include what you’d imagine: snoring, restless leg syndrome, obstructive sleep apnea, sleepwalking, opposing sleeping schedules, and even REM sleep behavior disorder (while you act out vivid dreams as they occur). And because sleep is so necessary for an individual’s health—it impacts your well-being— and poor-quality sleep increases your risk for chronic health problems, so it is smart why some couples need to separate at night.
I’ll always remember an episode of a TV show I once watched. The husband needed to work all night, so he put his wife in a separate bedroom—loaded along with her favorite movies, snacks, and fluffy pillows! She spent the night watching movies, resting, and living her best life! You can see the appeal. Of course, the downside of sleep divorce is the chance of decreased connection, intimacy, and friendship and the lack of meaningful exchanges, conversations, and fun that occur while going to bed.
Is Sleep Divorce Biblical?
Well, this is difficult because, in lots of ancient cultures, there have been different bed chambers for men and girls. Frankly, couples didn’t sleep like we do in American today. So, we will’t really say if sleeping in separate rooms is biblical. The Bible doesn’t appear to speak to that. But we will use the wisdom of 1 Corinthians 6:12,
“Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things).”
A greater query may be, Is Sleep Divorce Helpful for My Marriage?
Is Sleep Divorce Helpful for My Marriage?
Dr. Greg Smalley says, “In a world of labor deadlines, countless media distractions, and errands to run, finding time to stop and connect together with your spouse emotionally and physically generally is a challenge. The bedroom is a crucial place for that connection to occur. ‘The master suite must be a sacred place due to its ability to have that inner life conversation, to be physically intimate and to laugh and be playful.’”
But he goes on, “As long as intimacy takes place inside those 4 partitions, not actually sleeping next to one another shouldn’t be necessarily flawed. When a pair is sleeping, that’s a time there’s a “very low sacred connection opportunity.”
Some things to think about in case you and your spouse are talking about sleep divorce.
- Take the term “divorce” out of the conversation altogether and put it on a special emotional shelf. Use a less heightened emotional term like “alternative sleeping arrangements.”
- Consider starting the night in bed together, then when it’s time to sleep, moving to different parts of the home so everyone can get night’s rest, quite than retiring to 2 separate bedrooms early within the evening.
- Consider your kids. What will this decision model be for them? Will it’s helpful for his or her future relationships? How will this decision impact their emotions and sense of security? And who shall be liable for the youngsters in the event that they get up at night needing a parent? It’s necessary to debate how this decision will impact the family and even the subsequent generation.
- Will it negatively impact your friendship, intimacy, and connection? If it should, then it’s not idea. But some couples say sleeping individually drastically improves their marriage. It’s not necessarily sinful, but is it good, smart, or helpful to your love? You must give you the chance to reply that query when making this decision truthfully.
- Have you prayed about it? Talked to individuals who know you well? Sought smart counsel?
- Will it enable you rest? If there’s a loud snorer in the home or an easily disrupted sleeper, this may be a no brainer for everybody’s sanity.
- How are you able to remember to connect in other ways? What plans will you make intentionally for intimacy and friendship?
- Examine your heart and be sober-minded about the why behind this decision. Is this truly about sleep, or are you attempting to escape your marriage? If so, a therapist, not a sleep divorce, is next step.
- What guardrails can you set in place? If you arrange separate bedrooms, what is going to you do to protect your heart, mind, body, and soul if you end up alone so that you just don’t avoid attachment together with your spouse and begin in search of intimacy elsewhere?
- Have you tried other ways to enhance your sleep? The National Sleep Foundation recommends 7-9 hours of sleep an evening and encourages folks to make sleep a priority. Have you tried sleeping apps, higher temperatures, maintaining a healthy diet, exercise, essential oils, good pillows, healthy sleep habits like going to bed on time and avoiding blue lights from screens? You might find that easy habits of sleep hygiene deliver the change you wish.
- What does your spouse think? What does your spouse want? Hebrews 13:4 tells us to carry marriage in honor. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love is patient and sort and doesn’t insist by itself way. Consider your spouse’s needs as necessary as your personal on this decision.
Whatever you choose, make certain it’s the healthiest one possible to your marriage and your future together with your spouse. And remember, research still says that an enormous number (86 %) of couples who sleep together are happier of their relationships. They might need something to show us.
Photo Credit: Image created using DALL.E 2024 AI technology and subsequently edited and reviewed by our editorial team.
