Narcissus was a tragic figure in Greek mythology. So transfixed by his own reflection in a pool of water, he fell in love along with his handsome image and will not tear himself away. He couldn’t accept real offers of affection from real human beings, and so endured a lifetime of frustration as his love object was just his own reflection.
This tragic story is the inspiration for the term ‘narcissism’ that’s used so readily today. But it shouldn’t be pity that inspires much of the discourse, but contempt. “How to avoid dating a narcissist” is an everyday theme on social media, as is “recovering from a narcissist” and lamenting “the narcissism epidemic”, amongst others.
Narcissists are characterised as individuals who pretend to be nice to get what they need, but will probably be unconcerned about hurting others or discarding them when it suits, making terrible spouses and relations. Narcissism is blamed for the horrendous scandals committed by church leaders and a number of the worst evils of the world.
A narcissist is seen as so excessively self-involved, selfish, focused on the self, in a way that could make an individual dangerous. It’s one in every of the “dark triad” personality traits that’s linked with plenty of nasty human behaviour. And worryingly, some argue that it’s becoming more prevalent in society.
Growing alarm
This graph of Google searches for ‘narcissist’ over time shows how rapidly interest within the concept has increased since 2013. Related searches which have also increased are ‘the best way to cope with a narcissist’ and ‘narcissist man.’
But the term has been utilized by psychologists for the reason that turn of the twentieth Century, and “narcissistic personality disorder” (NPD) was first classed as a psychiatric diagnosis in 1980 by the American Psychiatric Association, although the organisation discussed scrapping this diagnosis in 2013, arguing it was too simplistic amongst other things.
Currently – though definitions can change – the APA says symptoms of NPD are “grandiose self-importance”, exhibitionism, fantasies of greatness, emotional dysfunctions, and interpersonal problems akin to “feeling entitled to special favours, benefiting from others, and inability to empathize with the sentiments of others.”
A narcissism epidemic?
Authors have speculated a few rise in selfishness and narcissism in Western societies. Psychology academic Prof Jean Twenge has written several books on the topic, arguing that for the reason that Nineteen Seventies, the typical person is more narcissistic, which she blames on an excessive give attention to encouraging self-esteem and individualism in schools and in our wider culture. Questions on surveys assessing narcissistic traits do show a dramatic increase. For example, Prof Twenge cites research showing that within the early Fifties, only 12% of teens agreed “I’m a very important person”, but by the late Eighties an astonishing 80% did so.
However research that compares later generations, from the Nineteen Nineties to the 2010s, suggests that college students might need actually develop into less narcissistic in some ways during that point. So the rapid rise in interest in the topic shouldn’t be as a consequence of a really recent “epidemic”. But one in every of the difficulties of the controversy is that folks often can’t be put in easy boxes, as human behaviour and its motivations are complicated, and tougher to define than a survey can reveal.
Narcissism or self love?
Is it a recent concept or is it a distinct term for what was once called egocentrism or selfishness, and long discussed and debated by the church? Reading old devotional books, it will probably be a shock to the trendy reader when “self love” is severely criticised by our Christian forebears.
Modern Westerners are taught that it’s a superb thing, even mandated by Jesus. Christian therapists and leaders stress the importance of self-esteem and learning to like yourself. It’s often identified that Jesus’s command to like our neighbour adds “as yourself.”
Yet unless these concepts are very different, which is definitely possible – this was not the interpretation given throughout Christian history. “You must know that self-love is more harmful to you than anything on the planet,” wrote Thomas à Kempis within the spiritual classic “The imitation of Christ.” Another spiritual giant, Thomas Aquinas, wrote “inordinate love of self is the reason for every sin.”
Perhaps it’s an idea that should be considered fastidiously, definitely because narcissism and its increase has been blamed for plenty of social ills and problems within the church, too.
Narcissism within the Church
For example, narcissism has been blamed because the reason for many church leader scandals. “Sadly, lately we have witnessed too many instances of charismatic Christian leaders gaining an enormous following, each inside the church and on social media, only to be exposed as manipulative, abusive, and dictatorial,” wrote Professor Chuck DeGroat in ‘When Narcissism Comes to Church’.
When researchers claimed that they had discovered that a 3rd of pastors could possibly be defined as having NPD, it provoked much concern. However, the book that this was based on, “Let Us Prey: The Plague of Narcissist Pastors and What We Can Do About It”, turned out to have faulty research methods related to the complexity of how narcissism is defined. “I feel malignant narcissism amongst pastors is an actual issue,” wrote church abuse campaigner Julie Roys on her blog. “I’ve witnessed behaviour in pastors that definitely seems just like the definitions I’ve read of NPD. And, I’ve heard from quite a few listeners and readers who say they’ve witnessed narcissistic behaviour of their pastors too.
“This leads me to consider that clinical narcissism amongst pastors is a subject that deserves more attention. But now that this study is basically discredited, it might be easier to dismiss your complete subject.”
Compassion
The problem with the “narcissism” narrative is that it will probably be nasty and unloving, and implies there isn’t any likelihood for redemption. While the “narcissism recovery” world offers some useful points to contemplate when dating, akin to whether self-absorbed people will make good fathers or partners, or indeed church leaders – and to what extent individuals are sincere and real. However, a number of the rhetoric sounds pretty mean. I’ve definitely observed individuals who accuse others of narcissism to point out narcissistic traits themselves. And our hope of redemption needs to be for all, nevertheless terrible an individual’s behaviour is, even when we want to set firm boundaries to stop them hurting others.
Perhaps what’s most vital for a Christian is to look at ourselves for the log in our own eye, and explore whether the trendy approval of “self love,” of the type that the Church has historically warned against, has caused any damage to our own soul. Then, perhaps, we are able to see clearly enough to attempt to guide others towards real love.
Heather Tomlinson is a contract journalist. Find her at www.heathertomlinson.substack.com or on twitter @heathertomli
