I prefer to read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-17 at graveside services, with an emphasis on 1 Thessalonians 4:13:
“But we are not looking for you to be uninformed, brothers, about those that are asleep, that chances are you’ll not grieve as others do who don’t have any hope.”
One way we are able to read that is to say that Paul tells us Christians mustn’t grieve. If that’s Paul’s meaning, it could fit with the culture of the time. Much like in our day, letters of consolation often included exhortations to attenuate grief. One encouraged his mother to “leave off lamenting, stop to mourn and cut yourself; Hades turns pity aside.”[1] His point is that grief does nothing to alter reality. It is a hopeless exhortation. Do not grieve. It does no good.
Is that what Paul is saying? I’d argue that Paul is encouraging grief—but a grief that’s founded upon hope. Paul’s Hebrew upbringing would have had him inundated with the Psalms. And the Psalms give us a language of lament. One can’t be at home within the Old Testament and be foreign to the concept of grief. Yet, it’s a grief with hope.
There are things we ought to grieve. Death is one in every of them. The Bible acknowledges the importance of mourning and lament. Scripture gives space for believers to specific sorrow. Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there’s a season for all the pieces, including a time to mourn. Allowing oneself to grieve isn’t an indication of weak faith but a step toward healing and peace.
Jesus experienced grief within the Garden of Gethsemane. His soul was deeply troubled, and it was here that He expressed His sorrow and anguish. Psalm 22 is a psalm of lament, and He cried this out upon the Cross. He was acquainted with much sorrow and grief. Jesus legitimizes our grief and sorrow. Lamenting death is a component of the human experience—and one with which our Lord was acquainted. He wept on the death of Lazarus, though He would soon heal him.
Allowing ourselves the chance to grieve is a approach to honor our bodies—though they’re failing—and our family members as well. I understand the will to have a celebration at a funeral. Yes, it is much better for our relatives in the event that they are at home with the Lord. There is nothing sweeter. This is why now we have hope.
But to only party is to attenuate the truth of death. We should grieve because people matter. It is a loss. We prefer to quote Paul’s statement that it is best to depart and be with Christ, but we appear to forget that he “selected” to stick with them and to assist them bear much more fruit. In other words, Paul’s life mattered. The people we leave behind matter. Let them grieve.
[1] Lattimore, Themes in Greek and Latin Epitaphs, 218.[1]
