When you hear the word “ministry,” listening is probably going not the very first thing that involves mind. But possibly it should. Listening is a lost art, but a much-needed one, especially in our society today where there was an incredible uptick in mental health issues and rampant polarization of ideologies and opinions. People must talk. But is anyone listening?
Says Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Life Together, “Many individuals are on the lookout for an ear that can listen. They don’t find it amongst Christians because these Christians are talking once they must be listening… Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by God who’s Himself the good listener and whose work they need to share. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.”
Bonhoeffer is correct. A big a part of missions (Greek apostolē, “a sending”) and ministry (Greek diakoneo, “to serve”) involves listening. It is a technique we are able to express like to our neighbors (Mark 12:30), and it’s a vitally vital solution to come alongside the disillusioned, dysfunctional, and depressed.
Writer Kyle Blevins agrees. “Listening is one of the fruitful ways to assist someone but can also be amongst essentially the most underused skills.”
Here are 3 ways which you can begin to practice the ministry of listening.
1. Cultivate a Listening Disposition.
“If one gives a solution before he hears, it’s his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13).
Too often, we’re quick to supply advice, which is typically biased, when someone is pouring out their heart to us. We mistakenly think we’d like to talk a word of wisdom or encouragement, which is all good, but not until we have now the complete breadth of understanding the person and their issue.
It could also be that an individual just needs to speak, to untangle their disheveled thoughts and unburden their troubled hearts. They aren’t necessarily on the lookout for advice or encouragement. At least not in that moment. Our service to them, then, is solely to listen.
It may not seem so, but listening is proactive. You are still engaging with the opposite person, just without words. Your listening involves giving the opposite person your full attention.
But for some, this doesn’t come naturally. We love to speak ourselves. So, cultivating a listening disposition will take intention, time, and practice. “Becoming a greater listener hangs not on one big resolve to do higher in a single conversation, but on developing a pattern of little resolves to focus in on particular people in specific moments,” writes David Mathis.
Furthermore, listening requires humility—of considering of the opposite person as more vital than yourself (Philippians 2:3)—a real caring heart, and, above all, self-control of the tongue (Galatians 5:22-23). We don’t need to rush to talk and say something we are going to later be ashamed of, making us what Proverbs calls “fools.” Proverbs 10:19 further cautions us that “when there are a lot of words, sin never stops, but a one that restrains his lips acts correctly.”
One step to soak up cultivating a listening disposition is to quell what creator Lynne Baab calls the “inner noise”—the necessity to refute if we disagree with the opposite person—and “double listening”—once we’re listening to the opposite person and concurrently trying to find an appropriate response.
“To listen well,” instructs Stephens Ministries, “You must enter into the conversation committed to listening somewhat than debating, instructing, or attempting to repair the situation. Deliberately put aside your instinct to share your personal thoughts so you’ll be able to give attention to what the person in front of you is sharing.
2. Cultivate a Listening Heart
“The Lord said, ‘I even have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I even have heard them crying out due to their slave drivers, and I’m concerned about their suffering’” (Exodus 3:7).
God not only listened along with his ears but along with his heart. He heard his people’s audible cries, and he also heard it deep inside his Being, causing him to change into “concerned.” His heart, touched by their plight, was moved to the purpose where he acted on their behalf. What followed was God calling a reluctant Moses back to Egypt to steer the Israelites out of bondage and to the Promised Land (Exodus 3-40).
Jesus, too, followed his Father’s example. Before he ever acted on behalf of an individual, he listened first to the answers he posed—“What is it you would like?” “What do you would like me to do for you?” “Who touched my clothes?” He also listened to their hearts. He “heard” their desperate pleas for healing and wholeness. And only then did he act.
Before we ever move—whether to talk or to fulfill a legitimate need—allow us to first listen, with our ears and our hearts. And we could also be surprised to search out that we needn’t act in any respect. That the motion needed is solely a fascinating, attentive ear.
3. Cultivate an Understanding Mind
“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but enjoyment of airing their very own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2).
Listening involves the mind. The mind is required to actively focus and process what the person is saying and their intent. But if understanding remains to be lacking as they’re speaking, ask follow-up questions. This lets the person know that you simply are sincerely listening, which makes them feel valued, respected, and appreciated. It also builds trust in order that the person is more willing to confide in you somewhat than close down.
Jesus did this well with the Samaritan woman in John 4. He persevered in asking questions, then listened. He was not in a rush to get to his point. He took the time to listen, and by listening, it gave the heart-sore woman the chance to speak and unburden herself. Listening kept her engaged and built trust in order that she felt comfortable enough to be honest with Jesus about her current living situation.
Understanding what an individual is attempting to convey also involves observing their non-verbal cues: their body language (rigid, arms crossed), their facial expressions (pursed lips, knit eyebrows, tears), their tone of voice (indignant, sarcastic, joyful). These are visual clues that help to reinforce your sense of understanding them.
4. Cultivate Presentness
Nothing is more dehumanizing and devaluing than when an individual is attempting to speak, however the listener is distracted, whether by their phone, by the environment around them, or your personal thoughts.
Being present means tuning out the world around you, including silencing your phone (or at the least ignoring it if it rings or pings). Just as you quell your “inner noise,” tune out the external noise around you. Place your entire give attention to the opposite person. Maintain eye contact. Lean towards them. These small gestures and attitudes allow them to know that they’re an important person to you at that moment, and that each one else can wait.
Cultivating a ministry of listening first starts by following the instance set before us by God, as Bonhoeffer said. As a loving, compassionate Father, he at all times gives us an attentive, undistracted ear at any time when we go to him in prayer. He is the quintessential listener, and as his children, it goes without saying that we should always be, too.
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