The pain of losing a pricey friend is unbearable, but after being stabbed within the back by a trusted confidant, selecting a friend becomes more cautious. What are some biblical directives for avoiding being or making fake, self-absorbed friends?
King David knew about fake friends. When his son, Absalom, rebelled in an try to usurp the throne, David’s highly regarded counselor and advisor, Ahithophel, sided with Absalom. David’s Psalm 55:12-14 reflects the hurt. “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it’s you, a person like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the home of God as we walked about among the many worshipers.”
Another heart-wrenching betrayal is that of Judas Iscariot, once amongst Jesus’s disciples and closest friends. For a mere 30 pieces of silver, he facilitated Jesus’s arrest, identifying him to the authorities with a deceitful kiss.
Even amidst betrayal and deceit—acknowledging our imperfections—forging real friendships offers invaluable qualities like love, loyalty, stability, and wisdom. Despite our inevitable mistakes, lapses in judgment, and regrettable words, true friends accept us with all our flaws. Cultivating such meaningful connections demands patience, dedication, and unwavering commitment.
Jesus painted an image of friendship. Of the twelve He selected, one betrayed Him, and one other failed Him. Though Peter denied knowing Jesus the night of His arrest, Jesus saw past that failure to Peter’s true heart. “Wounds from a friend might be trusted,” unlike the latter a part of the identical verse that depicts Judas, “but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6). Peter tousled. Still, he repented, and Jesus restored him because. “Love covers over a large number of sins” (Proverbs 10:12).
Jesus exemplifies the essence of true friendship. In John 15:13, he declares, “Greater love has nobody than this: to put down one’s life for one’s friends,” embodying selfless sacrifice, unwavering support, forgiveness, smart counsel, and the sharing of values and faith. He goes on to affirm the depth of friendship in John 15:15, stating, “I now not call you servants … Instead, I even have called you friends, for the whole lot I learned from my Father I even have made known to you.” Friendship, subsequently, mirrors the boundless love and everlasting values of God.
Jesus sets a high standard for friendship. Emulating His love is achievable when we elect to like others as He loves us—the second best commandment (Matthew 22:39). How can we do this? First of all, we recognize we’re humans and fall sometimes. We pick one another up. We forgive. We have one another’s back. We treat our friends like we would really like to be treated – with understanding, not holding onto a past mistake to make use of as a weapon later. The golden rule in Luke 6:31 really does apply: “Do to others as you’d have them do to you.”
The best friendships do their best to meet Jesus’ mandate: “As I even have loved you, so you should love each other.” – John 13:34
True friends emulate God’s love.
Authentic friends do their best to exhibit the traits of 1 Corinthians 13.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it isn’t proud. It doesn’t dishonor others, it isn’t self-seeking, it isn’t easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesn’t enjoyment of evil but rejoices with the reality. It at all times protects, at all times trusts, at all times hopes, at all times perseveres.8 Love never fails.”
Consider the story of Julie and Emma. Julie and Emma have been friends since highschool and have worked through their differences. However, these days, Emma tends to carry onto past grievances and brings them up each time they disagree. When Julie was stuck in traffic and arrived quarter-hour late to their planned lunch, Emma brought up Julie’s forgetting her birthday two years ago. She accused her of being inconsiderate and unreliable. Although Julie sincerely apologizes, Emma dwells on instances where Julie let her down. Whenever Julie makes a mistake or does something to upset Emma, Emma quickly reminds her of each misstep, making Julie feel guilty and defensive. This constant dredging of past wrongs creates a toxic atmosphere of their friendship, stopping them from moving forward and resolving conflicts healthily.
Despite Julie’s efforts to enhance and make amends, she looks like she’s walking on eggshells around Emma, afraid of triggering one other barrage of past grievances. Eventually, Julie begins questioning whether this friendship is value its emotional toll on her. Genuine friendship is built on forgiveness, understanding, and letting go of past mistakes. Unlike a fake friend,
Authentic friends exhibit good character.
We are to protect against being or having a friend who is definitely angered, unwise, or self-seeking. Wise and righteous besties lead to private growth and wisdom (Proverbs 13:20), unlike hot-tempered individuals with negative behaviors whom we must always guard against (Proverbs 22:24-25).
“Bad company corrupts good character.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33
Good friends are well-informed and learning.
“Walk with the smart and turn into smart, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20
Becoming a greater person is a component of sharing a sweet friendship as we help each other be accountable to spiritual disciplines and move closer to Jesus.
Genuine friends listen and care.
Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People, considered one of the best-selling books of all time, says, “You could make more friends in two months by becoming considering other people than you possibly can in two years by attempting to get other people considering you.” When the conversation isn’t one-sided, listening and caring lend support.
True friends accept you.
One of the primary bonds of friendship is finding someone who shares similar values, which pulls us to 1 one other. C.S. Lewis says, “Friendship is born in the meanwhile when one man says to a different, “What! You Too: I assumed I used to be the just one!”
A true friend rejoices over your success.
Good friends support us in hard times and success. Oscar Wilde said, “Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it surely requires a really tremendous nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.” Proverbs 3 encourages us that wisdom bestows well-being. “Let love and faithfulness never leave you…you then will win favor and a very good name within the sight of God and man.” (3:3-4).
Genuine friendships endure.
For a long time, even before the arrival of our kids, a cherished couple has been priceless companions in our lives, particularly during our most difficult moments. Despite the physical distance that now separates us, the bonds we forged through shared family vacations, meals, prayers, laughter, and tears have left indelible marks on our hearts. Though miles may divide us, the enduring seeds of friendship sown over time keep us connected as invaluable treasures to 1 one other.
Ruth Graham said that once we haven’t seen a pricey friend for some time, and even years, it’s like a very good book: You pick up where you left off, and a latest chapter begins.
Love never fails.
True friendship has consistent support and trust. Love at all times “protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7). And that sort of love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. Such friends refrain from a “me-first” mentality with selfish motives. Anger is quickly handled in a forgiving way that holds no grudges.
Is there biblical wisdom to guide us away from fake friendships?
Yes, indeed. The key lies in embracing the biblical principle: “Lay down your life for your pals,” carried out through the sensible application of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. True friends emulate God’s love, possess healthy character, offer acceptance, attentive listening, and unwavering support. They have a good time your victories, offer sound counsel, and stand by you thru life’s trials. Thomas Aquinas said, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship,” considered one of life’s sweetest merits, each in the current and eternally.
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