Grief is a fancy and quite complicated journey we’ll all, unfortunately, walk through sooner or later on this life.
The truth is that nothing on this side of heaven is definite apart from one thing — at some point, we’ll draw our last breath. While God’s purpose for us comes with a plan, it’s marked by numerous days (Psalm 39:4-7).
Yet our loving God gives us precious guarantees to cling to in Hebrews 13:14, painting a wonderful image of our ceaselessly home.
While this life is temporary and stuffed with joy and sorrow, happiness and suffering, and a combination of highs and lows, God tells us in His Word that heaven shouldn’t be sure by time and is stuffed with a form of hope and love that we cannot even begin to phantom or stop to grasp (1 Corinthians 2:9).
God is telling us that at some point we’ll experience the fullness of true belonging once we are joined with Him and our family members in eternity.
Ponder that for a moment. This world could also be affected by sin and death, but God’s great love and mercy offer us hope for all times beyond this one (Colossians 1:5).
God also guarantees to be near and grasp once we are left holding a broken heart and when life doesn’t make sense (Psalm 38:14; Matthew 5:4). He tells us that He is our source of strength and that He will provide a form of peace that’s unsurmountable and indescribable.
Yet, when grief takes us by surprise, or it lands upon a pricey and shut friend, it might probably be hard to carry on to those guarantees, much less remember them altogether.
Many feelings and thoughts may emerge in these times, causing us to grow to be ill-equipped on the best way to approach this tender time with compassion and great care.
Questions are looming, and hearts are heavy, and such deep sadness is intimidating. Grief could be scary.
Drawing near a grieving friend and increasing our sincerest condolences could be painstakingly uncomfortable, leaving us speechless or unsure the best way to respond, especially to such a deep and profound loss. However, as difficult because it is to observe a beloved friend endure a lot pain, they need you.
Below are five ways you may love, support, and serve your precious friend while gently reminding them that God is with them and imminent.
1. Lift Them Up in Prayer
The best thing you may ever do in your grieving friend is to position your hands together and pray for them. God already knows the depths of their pain and the sorrow that fills their hearts.
Invite God into your friendship and ask how you may be the sort of friend they need, all of the while knowing that grief holds unique highs and lows and have to be met with gentleness, grace, and compassion.
Don’t have the words to hope? Try this easy prayer.
Lord, I lift up my friend, (name), to You today. Please grasp and produce him/her peace and luxury. Wrap Your loving arms around them as You radiant Your abundant mercy and beauty. Please grant me the strength to be the friend they should carry such a burden and offer support that can truly be a blessing. Amen.
2. Be Sincere
Yes, words matter in these times. That said, we must select them correctly. While it might probably feel as when you are walking on eggshells, sincerity is essential here. Keep in mind that everybody wades through grief somewhat bit in another way and experiences loss in a really personal way.
Try not to match their grief journey to another person (or our own loss) and realize that there isn’t any must “fix” their hurt or strive to make it higher; you just can’t.
Rather speak out of your heart. Saying, “I like you and am here,” “It’s okay to not be okay,” or “I can be here Wednesday with dinner. Will that give you the results you want?” This speaks more to them than using easy and generic cliches or platitudes.
Grief doesn’t follow a plan or timeline. It is all a mystery, really. It shouldn’t be linear, nor does it go in stages. Grief could be ugly and messy, but as God moves, it might probably bring transformation with restoration, hope, and healing.&
So, attempt to be sincere and approach your friend with respect. That way they feel they’ve a protected place to share their hurt and pain without judgments or comparisons.
3. Check on Them
The easy act of reaching out can mean greater than . Your friend’s world is currently spinning the wrong way up, but they see how everyone else is moving on, moreover, keeping them at bay. The silence is deafening, and it might probably really hurt.
During those first few weeks after a loss everyone seems to be bringing meals or dropping by with flowers and cards, then it just immediately stops. No friends, no calls. Everything is back to normal, for everybody else, yet they’re essentially stuck, unable, or unwilling to maneuver forward.
Strive to be intentional about checking in your friend, especially after the primary few weeks and months.
Even years later, be mindful of special occasions akin to anniversaries and birthdays, and send a thoughtful Bible verse, a letter within the mail, or bring them coffee. Your kind efforts can be such a blessing.
4. Be Present and Just Listen
The awkward silence could be uncomfortable. I get it. I’m one who likes to often break the silence, but when a friend is grieving, silence is usually a time for reflection and is really needed.
After my dear friend lost her husband about three years ago, I remember going over to her house and just sitting together with her on the couch in silence. Nothing but tears flowed.
Yet, all she wanted, and needed was company. Sometimes she would reach out for my hand, then other times she would begin to speak, then wander away in a memory.
Our presence and silence can mean a lot. Yet, when you do feel prompted to say something, do ask about their spouse. Ask them to share a favourite memory or inform you more about what they loved about them.
Do not shrink back from mentioning their spouse’s name, either. In many cases, they wish to share stories because it keeps their dear loved one’s memory alive.
5. Lend a Helping Hand
One of probably the most practical ways to like a grieving friend is to supply a helping hand. That could possibly be cleansing their house, doing laundry, running errands, mowing their lawn, or caring for young children.
Grieving takes a lot effort and expends a lot energy that usually, the on a regular basis tasks don’t get done or can easily get neglected. Your friend is not going to all the time ask for help or may not even realize they need it, so be gentle in your approach.
In the start once they are making arrangements for his or her loved one, a meal train or care calendar arrange by family, friends, and church organizations can really be helpful and mandatory.
However, beyond that, they could need assistance with things their spouse once did, akin to hanging lights or paying bills, so attempt to take notice and extend a helping hand as needed.
Dos and Don’ts
Many times, we isolate ourselves from a grieving friend because we just don’t necessarily know what to do or say, and we surely don’t wish to cause more pain.
While that is comprehensible, the shortage of your presence can be noticed. And, truthfully, your absence can hurt even greater than a faulty word or misguided motion.
You must realize that your friend has already lost a lot. They have lost their life partner, their companion, their best friend, and their spouse half.
There can be a lack of marriage roles, intimacy, financial stability, and shattered dreams. When people they rely on to point out up in these times are nowhere to be seen, it might probably feel like one other loss.
All in all, they need your love and support now greater than ever. So, before you do anything, take your heart to God first and seek wisdom and discernment on what you may do or say to best comfort your dear friend.
Besides the points mentioned above, here is an inventory (while not comprehensive) of dos and don’ts, guiding you on the best way to really love and support your grieving friend.
Do:
- Share memories and stories about their spouse.
- Share Bible verses and God’s guarantees.
- Let them know you’re there for them and willing to listen anytime they need a friend.
- Offer a hug or friendly gesture.
- Say that you just are sincerely sorry for his or her loss and acknowledge their pain.
Don’t:
- Say vague or meaningless cliches akin to, “They are in a superb place now” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
- Stay away from using the words “At least…” Upon hearing those two words, irrespective of what follows will send daggers to their already fragile heart.
- Avoid eye contact just because they give the impression of being sad or are crying.
- Tell them what you’ve been intending to do something, akin to, “I meant to send you that card or bring you a meal,” as that only comes across as insincere.
A Prayer for You and Your Freind
Father, I lift up the valuable brother or sister who’s reading this today. I pray that You be with them as they minister and love their friend who’s walking through the deep waters of grieving a spouse.
Hold them each in Your loving hands as You look after them. Draw close and supply insurmountable peace and calming comfort. We pray You mend broken hearts and make Your presence known. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/shironosov
