Raised to Stay is a latest book by Natalie Runion exploring disappointment and hurt experienced throughout the Church. In the book, the worship leader shares her own personal story of how reliance on God released her from past hurt and the way she found peace with the Church.
Christian Today spoke with Natalie to listen to about what Christians can do to support those that have been hurt by the Church.
What can leaders and congregations do to support church members who’ve experienced ‘church hurt’?
I at all times say that listening is a fantastic ministry. When we now have someone come into our small group or enter our churches they usually say ‘I would like to come back to church, I would like to get entangled, but I actually have been hurt by the church’ and even worse ‘I’ve been abused by leaders, I’ve been abused by people,’ the best response could be: ‘I would really like to take you out for a cup of coffee or tea or lunch and I would like to listen to your story.’
Sit with people and don’t defend the Church, don’t say ‘they didn’t mean it’ or ‘not all churches are bad’ but truly hear their story and where they’re coming from. Lean in and love them where they’re. Then as they begin to come back into our church families we should always have the option to get them involved with people around the identical age, around spiritual mentors and disciples, those that can really walk with them and help redeem what it looks wish to be a part of a church family.
This takes time, we will not rush people, we will not demand that they heal in our timeframe. We just have to be willing to walk with them. From my very own experience, I actually have learnt that the Church isn’t patient with people who find themselves in pain. But the Lord is asking us to mourn with those that mourn, and to weep with those that weep so we will then in turn rejoice with those that rejoice. That’s where I feel we will start.
The book sheds light on your loved ones’s decision to go away the church you were raised in and also you write that after this, you didn’t know find out how to go to church like other people and also you felt ‘orphaned’ by an establishment that was imagined to love and shelter you. How did this event shape your view of church going forward?
They were probably the most early life of my life. I used to be 18 and I desired to go to a Christian university. That whole experience modified my plans, I went from wanting to go to a Christian university to going to a public university. I had a Jewish roommate, atheist professors and agnostic professors and other people weren’t watching me as a pastor’s kid, they only knew me as Natalie the freshman in her first 12 months in college. That gave me this chance to develop into anyone I desired to be.
I wrestled with that over the course of my college years. Nobody was searching for me in any churches, no person cared if I went to church, and it was in that decision-making process that I realised that I did love Jesus. I missed being a part of the church family because although that church family had hurt me there have been also many who loved me. I realised that there have been bad people in all places, there are bad people on the earth and bad people within the church. However there have been also really good people within the church and people were the people I missed.
After college I slowly made my way back into church and I used to be hurt again, but this time I used to be prepared for it, I used to be almost bracing myself for it. It never made it easier but I realised that I loved people greater than I desired to be away from them. It was the love for people who kept drawing me back and that is what my hope is for our generation, that we’ll learn to like people a lot and imagine that they’re definitely worth the risk of getting hurt.
You write that as you look back during the last 20 years you might be ‘grateful for each stop, detour and hard query’. What advice do you will have for people who’re currently in a difficult season?
God is definitely not in a rush with our healing. I actually have had to take a seat in that healing space where things will not be how I would like them to be and relationships will not be where I would like them to be. A number of people ask me what does the word ‘stay’ mean in Raised To Stay and I take them to John 15. What Jesus is telling the disciples is ‘I’m the vine, you might be the branches and if you happen to just stay connected to me you’ll produce good fruit even in barren seasons.’
When I cling to Jesus with all the things that I actually have, even when the Church and other people have betrayed me, He guarantees that He won’t ever leave us or forsake us. He is similar yesterday, today and perpetually. Even after I feel prefer it is the tip, what I remember is that Jesus stayed on the cross for the enjoyment set before him and three days later there was a resurrection.
What I actually have learnt in these seasons of barren times is that what I feel goes to be my crucifixion is definitely the start of my resurrection. If we stay in position, and by staying in position I mean holding onto Jesus and trying my best to seek out trusted biblical communities to walk with me through that season, we should not have to do difficult seasons alone.
It is at all times encouraging to keep in mind that Jesus went through it first.
When you take a look at Hebrews 12 the Message version says to observe how he did it. He could take anything, he could take the insults, he could take the betrayal. The actual translation of the message Bible says ‘after we find ourselves flagging in our faith, watch how he did it.’ That is the instance after we have no idea who else to model. Watch how Jesus did it; that’s our blueprint.
In the book you write that ‘going to counselling shouldn’t be absence of religion.’ Can you share your thoughts on Christians looking for skilled help for mental health.
I grew up in a denomination that basically was against counselling. The belief was that if you happen to went to counselling then it meant that you simply didn’t trust Jesus and there was plenty of shame and stigma around counselling. Yet suicide and depression rates are so high amongst evangelical Christians and pastors.
As I actually have grown up and matured in Christ, what I’ve learnt is that God will use Christian professionals to be the hands and feet of Jesus in skilled environments where they’ll lend their expertise and their gifts to the Christian body in ways in which point people to Jesus.
I think Christian counsellors are a present from the Lord who can assist walk us through mental health scenarios, through prayer and biblical counsel and still have the option to lean into intercession and fasting. In the United States particularly, we now have a suicide problem amongst pastors and plenty of it’s because there was shame and fear of being fired or let go in the event that they confess they’re struggling. I think that God shouldn’t be in competition with our counsellors or our medication, moderately He is offering us a partnership.
Lisa Bevere wrote in her foreword, ‘I sensed this book could lead on to a movement of healing and reformation.’ What reception has the book received?
The book as an entire has been received with such passion and likewise gratitude from other believers saying ‘thanks for putting into words what my heart couldn’t say out loud.’ Coming from the United States I’ve heard that from the American churches, but now to be within the UK what has blown my mind is that this can be a global conversation. I’m standing at book signing tables and individuals are just grabbing hold of me, sobbing and saying ‘thanks for writing this book.’
This is strictly what we want to have the option to provide our people once they come to us, once they say they’ve been hurt by the Church or once they walk out of a difficult season. There is a resource on the market that points people back to Jesus and still encourages people to like one another and the Church even of their pain. It is an honour to face at signing tables, to face at altars and pray with people and to rejoice with people. It is the best honour that God could have possibly asked of me.
I pray the book will reach the world with the hope that God is for us. He is with us and He has given us one another as a present. I pray that we will all find forgiveness, healing and reconciliation so we will move forward with the Great Commission of taking the gospel to a lost world.
Raised to Stay is out now priced £12.99.
