1. Give yourself permission to be sad.
You don’t need to have all of the answers. It’s okay simply to feel your feelings. Grief is the lack of anything significant, so it’s necessary to present ourselves (or our hurting friends/family members) permission to grieve anything and every thing –from medical concerns to job losses and family conflict to divorce, even the lack of friendships, etc. It’s also incredibly helpful to keep in mind that grief is dynamic. While a lot of us have some understanding of the “five stages of grief” in our minds, these stages should not consistent. In other words, we don’t have to be hard on ourselves if our grief doesn’t follow a selected pattern.
The reality is that not all suffering is affordable. Not all agonizing questions will be answered sensibly, and though it feels counterintuitive, we will find resilience by embracing, somewhat than avoiding, our physical and emotional pain.
2. Create a repeatable event or symbol that honors your loss.
Symbols are deeply meaningful for humanity. We are individuals who must mark, remember, grieve, and have fun. Consider creating an annual event, getting a special piece of jewellery, or planting a garden in the one you love’s honor. These seem to be easy ideas, however the intentional act of remembering and marking—together with your community around you—can create strength in sadness.
3. Know that the primary yr is probably not the toughest.
In spite of what people say, the primary yr of grieving a loved one just isn’t all the time the toughest. The first yr is the yr of adrenaline, the yr of “firsts.” It is the yr of putting one foot in front of the opposite, the yr of doing the following thing you’re able to doing. It’s a yr of reckoning—a yr of listing that which has been lost and attempting to make sense of what is going to never really make sense—this recent reality.
Resilience after yr one takes support – in a support group, in grief counseling, in a restorative exercise class, etc. If you’re an individual of religion, this is usually a meaningful time to hitch a faith-based support group.
4. Be mindful of other victims.
There are folks across the globe living under systemic oppression, poverty, and pain. Others have survived natural disasters, tragedy, or abuse. Join them on their mourning benches. If you’re a praying person, pray for them. Consider donating money to a cause that you simply are keen about. Volunteer your time with a relief organization. Send a hurting friend an encouraging note. If we will reach out of our pain into the pain of others, this increases our own compassion, moves us out of myopic focus, and supports those that are hurting.
5. Engage within the enjoyable.
This can come across as trite, but within the midst of our deepest pain, if we will make efforts to interact in healthy things that we enjoy— mountaineering, photography, music, art, exercise, writing, an incredible conversation with a friend—these help us come out of our isolation, sooner or later at a time, and move us towards a spot of hope.
Bonus- How to supply support for many who are grieving:
- Sometimes, we’re afraid to bring up someone’s loss. But easy questions like, “How’s your grief today?” or “How are you doing together with your loss?” are supportive.
- We are inclined to wish to say things that attempt to “fix” or balance the emotional scales of grief. But those attempts (even well-meant) can come across as invalidating. Know that your presence—even crying with someone or sitting silently beside your hurting friend—is probably the most powerful gifts you’ll be able to offer.
- Jot down the dates of necessary anniversaries, and remember to send a card, a text, or flowers that day. If you’re uncertain of what to do, ask your friend, “How can I honor that person/that life experience with you?”
- Offer practical support: drop off meals, hire a house cleaner, send over a babysitter, help with laundry, etc.
- Above all, gauge, with sensitivity, what your pals can tolerate. Maybe today they wish to go on a walk with you, but tomorrow they don’t. That’s okay. Grief can’t be rushed. Your job as a supporter is to maintain showing up. That, greater than much else, will help strengthen a hurting person’s resilience.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/max-kegfire
LISTEN: Actress Charlene Tilton Talks Tragedy, Her Christian Faith and Her Movie ‘Heaven Sent’
Listen as Tilton shares how God has guided her through life’s storms. She lived in foster care as a toddler. In 2010, her fiance Cheddy Hart died of a heart attack. “I’ve… seen the hand of God in my life since I can remember, at five years old. God’s hand has been on me,” Tilton told Christian Headlines. “And I do know His hand’s on everybody, nevertheless it’s just in case you decide to acknowledge it, and feel it and be still and hearken to that also small voice that can guide you and show you the ways to go.”
The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those of the speakers and don’t necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those of the speakers and don’t necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
